A letter that a mom wrote to her daughter detailing all the things her daughter has been doing wrong this summer has gone viral on Twitter.
First, let's meet our cast of characters.
Here is Nicola, the daughter in question:
And this is Nicola's very angry mom, Marianne.
Marianne texted Nicola this ominous message, before handing her daughter the enraged document.
As Nicola put it:
I was just sitting eating ice cream when I got the text and I came downstairs and saw my mum sitting at the table and she handed me letter and said "I hope you have learned your lesson."
Here is that letter:
The daughter, who, apparently, did not learn her lesson, went ahead and just posted the mom's letter online. Where it promptly went viral and was then put in front of me by my editor, and here we are.
Primarily, it seems, the popularity of the note can be attributed to people who, I guess, like that the mom was so intense about her daughter's chores, etc. Basically, it's a “teenage girls are the worst” sort of thing.
And, yes, the only thing worse than teenage girls are teenage boys, and the only thing worse than teenage boys is testicular gangrene (don't look it up, it's so gross that it'll change you). But all I see when I read this note is a too strict, overreacting, sort of tyrannical mom who seems pretty unreasonable and, in my opinion, may be doing some possibly unhealthy fat shaming.
Unfortunately for this mom, I, Alec MacDonald, news and humor writer for Elite Daily, have somehow been given the power to tell her to go fuck herself.
So, uh, go fuck yourself.
(Sorry. Shit. I shouldn't have said that. God, I just said "shit." I'm really sorry. I'll go to my room immediately and do my algebra homework. Please don't take my internet access away. I need it for porn and my job.)
Now, OK, yes, I should say my aggressive stance when it comes to this subject might have a lot to do with the fact that my mom literally suggested we write up a legal contract that would stipulate my household duties at one point in my life.
Alright, let's go through the text of this letter.
THINGS YOU HAVE DONE WRONG THIS WEEK 1) Left TWO bowls in the lounge over the past two days.
OK, yeah probably annoying she left a bowl in the “lounge.” Also, what's a lounge? I don't trust this family already.
2) Left a cup in your room for more than three days.
A cup. A cup. In her room. Go fuck yourself, Mom.
3) Eaten junk for the past six weeks.
Um, maybe mind your business. That sounds awesome.
4) Not making your bed in the morning.
OK, sure some parents don't like this. Some parents believe making your bed leads to a more, I don't know, organized and fruitful life? You know what also leads to that? Not having your parents treat you like you are a Marine.
5) Always on your phone.
Yeah, this one is probably extremely annoying.
6) Shouting at the dogs when they don't pose for your photos that you constantly take.
You're reaching, Mom. You're really reaching.
7) Making a tea for yourself and not offering me or your dad one, when we do everything for you.
Cool it. She probably SHOULD make you tea. But you need to cool it before you rage-shart.
8) Greeting the dogs with a better welcome than me or your dad after coming back from your holiday we paid for.
OK, you're jealous of dogs. First you advocate for them, then you criticize them? Pick a lane, Mom. Maybe she's excited to see her dogs because her dogs don't write her letters like this. Because dogs don't speak English. They only speak French.
9) Not washing up your dirty dishes when all you do is eat.
This one, along with the “eating junk for 6 weeks,” are the ones that actually kind of pissed me off. Mind your business, Mom. Yes, making sure your kids are eating foods that will not stunt their growth or give them diabetes is important, but telling your daughter “all you do is eat” is obviously not a good idea.
Now, I don't know this specific family, or their relationship (this might be a fun joke about, I dunno, eating a lot that they do together?), but as a rule, let's just try to stop talking to our kids like this.
I know this is supposed to be a haha-jokey-fun-time article, but seriously, studies show that by college 10 percent of American women will suffer from a clinical or nearly clinical eating disorder. So, yeah, let's all just agree to not food shame or fat shame our kids, anymore. That's social media and Hollywood's job. And they are extremely good at it without your help.
This is only a short list of the things you do to me and your dad, we have reached the end of our tether now and from now on we are not doing anything for you ever again. We hope you learn your lesson.
“Not doing anything for you ever again.”
OK, this last line makes me think she's joking. But my mom would definitely say stuff like this to me, so it's hard for me to tell.
So, yeah, if this was all just a big fun joke from mom to daughter, I take back literally everything I just said.