When I was a kid, my parents told me God could see all the bad stuff I did and he'd punish me if I didn't go to church to let myself get really bored every Sunday.
Basically, when I was a kid, God was like a bad girlfriend: He was constantly criticizing me, invading my privacy and trying to force me to do boring stuff with him (I fell asleep at a lot of musicals in 2009).
To break up with God, I basically just ghosted him when I was around 12 (fun fact: I started dating masturbation soon after), but one man in Israel decided to be a man about it and tried to break up with God face to face.
David Shoshan filed an official restraining order against the creator of the universe.
Over the years, Mr. Shoshan tried to get a restraining order against God but to no avail, and his most recent attempt was not (spoiler alert) successful.
When asked by the judge why he wanted this restraining order, Mr. Shoshan reportedly explained,
For the past three years, He started to treat me harshly and not nicely.
Now, I know this sounds pretty hilarious and goofy, but I just can't stop thinking about what might've happened to this guy three years ago, and in the three years since, that made him want to seek legal action against the Almighty.
There is possibly, probably, some mental health issue at the heart of this story (which many news outlets seem to be purposefully ignoring), but there is still something inherently delightful about a legal system obligated by law to answer such a request in the first place.
So, with that said, I'd like to formally submit, here and now, a restraining order against my butt. It has not been very nice to me lately. It gets very rude every time I eat fried chicken.