In Attempt To Outdo Bernie, Hillary Clinton Flies In On Bald Eagle
Last week, a tiny bird landed on Bernie Sanders' podium during a campaign speech, delighting the world.
Soon after, #BirdieSanders and #FeelTheBird started trending as Millennials everywhere celebrated this spontaneously glorious moment.
Hillary Clinton's campaign recognized how vitally important this moment was to changing young people's votes, so they set off working with Clinton to train a bald eagle.
And so, backstage at a campaign stop, Clinton perched atop a bald eagle and whispered:
Fly, you fool.
The bald eagle took off and Clinton soared into the auditorium.
The crowd stood stunned, unsure exactly what was happening or how to react. Stepping off the eagle and up to a podium, Clinton was visibly frustrated.
As the audience stood in uncomfortable silence, Clinton began shouting:
Seriously, people, I was a senator and secretary of state and have been making national headlines since 1969 -- what else do I have to do to impress you?!
Some younger audience members slowly backed out of the auditorium and Clinton growled:
ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?
Her campaign has not responded to requests for comment.
Disclaimer: This post is an April Fools' Day joke. Relax.