I'm not a fan of Beyoncé (gasp — I know) but the woman was onto something when she recorded "If I Were A Boy." As much as we love being women, there are many things we envy about the opposite sex.
Sure, it may be easier for us to sweet talk our way out of speeding tickets and it's even fun to get free drinks from bartenders, but there are just some days when we just really want to be one of the guys.
Actually, there are especially three to five days of the month we wish we were more like our male friends. But nope, being a female has its drags, and sure this may sound like a bunch of complaining, but I don't care because I'm PMSing and that basically allows me to say whatever I want.
So here's a little song to listen to while you wish you could get away with the things the males in our lives can.
1. Never shower and get away with it
Men can go weeks without showering and no one would ever, ever know. They could musk their odor with pounds of cologne, and while they may smell like a bad commercial, you couldn't physically tell they skipped out on the daily shower.
For women, this is most definitely not the case because the day I skip washing my hair is the day you can change your car oil with the oil on my head. Sure, maybe that's an over-exaggeration, but now you will understand how passionately I feel about showering.
2. Wait weeks inbetween shaving
Not only can men go days and weeks without shaving, they actually look better when they do that. Life would be so much easier for females if stubble were hot and armpit hair was trendy.
But nope, we wax and shave and shave and wax until we resembles our prepubescent selves.
3. Never futz around with their hair
It's not even that showering is that bad of a process, it's more so what comes afterwards. The hair grooming process is a bitch and that is something no female or ex-boyfriend can deny.
It doesn't matter if you don't even head straight to the blow dryer, as you still must spend time dousing your head in bank-breaking products.
4. Sleep with someone and never call that person again
I am in no means saying this is OK for men to do, but for some reason, women make excuses as to why this is an acceptable route to take.
But if a woman does the same, the guys start getting real creepy, real fast.
5. Not cry when they get worked up
Despite being told you may not have any feelings, when something really gets under your skin, you can't help but tear up.
This really gets in the way of whatever point you are trying to prove because your feelings are basically invalidating your argument, which just brings you back to square one.
6. Wear the same black v-neck every time they go out
For some reason, I find myself dropping $50+ on a variation of the same black blouses. As much as I try to diversify my wardrobe, it never, ever happens.
This is exactly why it's so infuriating that men can get away with rotating the same three black Hanes v-necks.
7. Go out in sneakers
8. Eat whatever the f*ck they want
How come it seems that men can eat whatever they want without immediate repercussions. If I eat half of a cookie, you can see that sh*t everywhere on my body 30 seconds after I finish the last bite.
9. Pee standing up, anywhere and everywhere
Have you ever been a female at a crowded concert who has to go to the bathroom? Yeah, that's basically just mission impossible, and something men never have to worry about.
10. Never get their periods
Wouldn't that just be incredible? No PMS, no way a boyfriend can convince his girlfriend "blowjob week" exists and no cramps. Sounds great to me.
11. Not worrying about accidentally getting pregnant
Oh, you pulled out? Good for you, I'm glad you're in the clear, I'm just going to be sh*tting my pants over here for the next three and a half weeks, eagerly awaiting my monthly visitor.
12. Walk down the street at 4 am without being worried about their safety
It doesn't even have to be 4 in the morning, but the moment it's dark outside no female feels completely safe walking alone.
13. Play professional basketball and have people care
Now this is sexist. Props to the WNBA, you'll get the respect you deserve one day.
14. Never needing to wear a bra
Maybe I should change the word "need" to "require" because there are some men out there with larger boobs than I have. Regardless, there is no better feeling than taking yours off after a long day at the office.
15. Not having every single sexual encounter be blamed on parent issues
So a guy can have a string of one-night stands and he is deemed "the man," but if a female does that, she has daddy issues. OK, makes sense... Not!
16. Listen to a rap song without getting offended
"Deep in the jeans she's wearing I'm hooked and I can't stop staring Oh baby, I wanna get with you And take your picture My homeboys tried to warn me But that butt you got makes me so horny"
17. Sit on a couch with their legs open because it's damn comfortable
But that's not ladylike. It's 2014, that phrase isn't even applicable anymore!
18. Get paid equally
On average, women make 77-cents-to-the-dollar compared to their male counterparts. So maybe instead of focusing on the thigh gap, maybe we should start worrying about the pay gap.
19. Not having to feel bad because they can't cook or clean or both
Why is it such a horrible thing when all a woman can do is microwave and order take out? That's all most men can do. I think being able to make a quick decision on Seamless is an incredible talent, and one that should be appreciated instead of looked down upon.
Photo Courtesy: We Heart It