Jail cells: They're cold, bleak vessels filled with nothing but shame and regret.
But not if you're this guy.
He spent the night behind bars in Birmingham, England, and gave his accommodation three out of five stars in a TripAdvisor-style review.
The 24-year-old was put in the "modern and clean" slammer after he was arrested for criminal damage.
He applauds how he was "dealt with promptly by a custody officer and shown to a cell."
Then continues: "Once in my cell I was pleasantly surprised by the cleanliness and décor. I mean it was neutrally decorated to please all parties but done to a high standard."
However, the custody suite lost points after he found hair near the en-suite toilet — though the author later admitted it was probably his own. He also felt that cups of tea could have been provided more promptly.
He rounds off by thanking custody staff for providing a pen and paper to allow him to put his review in writing.
Chief Inspector Paul Minor, West Midlands Police Criminal Justice Manager, said,
We feel it's a five-star facility: it's designed to be safer for staff and guests and the more efficient check-in process means we can get arresting officers back out on the streets more quickly.
The cells have cameras, anti-graffiti surfaces, and reflective ceiling domes so occupants can be seen at all times…it means officers aren't tied up on cell-door watch so can be out on patrols protecting the public. The reviewer has been very complimentary about the facility and staff…but I think he's been a little harsh by awarding it just a three-star rating!
He'll definitely be back. And so will we.
*Packs bags for vacay in Birmingham cell*