Girl Asks Tinder Date For 7-Page Essay About His Penis And He Delivers


There are a few strategies you can employ to turn your Tinder matches into something a little more substantial (I'm talking about sex), and while "slowly escalating the conversation" is probably one of the more effective routes, another popular alternative is "saying the most outrageous thing you can."

One Reddit user decided to go down that route after matching with this profile:

Some people might have been dissuaded by the whole "lying about her age" part of the bio, but he was far more concerned with the second half -- largely because it set him up for an impressively blunt opening line:

I'm assuming that when Noelle replied, she thought her request was so absurd that nobody would actually do it.

However, it's clear that she underestimated the lengths some men will go to get laid -- and the steps other guys will take to make it possible.

After the images were posted to Reddit, the most helpful anonymous stranger in the history of the Internet decided that he had nothing better to do with his time than write an essay about another man's penis in the hopes of getting him laid.

You can read the entire thing here, but if you're not interested in an entire essay about the importance of phallic symbolism throughout history, some of the highlights are below:

We start with the aimless rambling every essay writer has employed at some point

Then we transition to Egyptian history

Yes, we're talking about Plato in an essay about a dick

There's no name he won't drop in the pursuit of getting a total stranger some action

It takes him a while, but he finally gets to the point

Sadly, he could only produce enough BS to fill six pages

After sending the essay over, he received this response that led to an exchange straight of out a cliche porn video:

As of this writing, the man hasn't been able to make any additional progress, but I think everyone involved should be congratulated for a job well done.