The Most Evil Card In The World Plays 'Happy Birthday' For Four Hours
You know how on your birthday, some deficient idiot will occasionally give you a birthday card for you to throw away?
And you know how sometimes those birthday cards play music?
Well, two guys from California hated those musical birthday cards so much they decided to spend a lot of time and money designing one more awful than the rest.
Once their birthday card starts playing, it doesn't stop.
It only stops when the battery runs out (after three or four hours). Or, if you destroy it.
They call it "The Joker Card"
And that's not "joker" like what your boring uncle calls you. No, that's "Joker" with a capital J -- like from "Batman" -- the mass murdering maniac.
The card doesn't just start playing automatically once opened. You have to press the play button yourself, thus sealing your own fate.
It's all your fault, dummy.
The violence doesn't stop there. If you try to press the button again to stop the song, it will only get louder.
That's meaner than teaching an ape sign language just so you can give it the middle finger and explain death.
To make everything worse, they're super hard to destroy. Here's one surviving being submerged in water.
Here is a text exchange with "The Joker Card" patient zero. God protect us.
According to our researchers, once completed, this will be the second worst present anyone has ever received.
The first one is when my new age-y aunt gave me an illustrated copy of the Kama Sutra when I was 18. No, that's not a joke. That is as true as gravity.