If you are in a loveless long-distance relationship and are unsure of how to end it, I have the perfect product for you.
This kissing robot is to relationships what M. Night Shyamalan is to Hollywood after 2002. (OK, I heard "The Visit" was pretty good, sorry M.)
The very important and not useless or dumb piece of machinery is called the "Lovotics Kissenger." Get it? It has "kiss" in the title. And I'm assuming it's named after Henry Kissinger, who is a NOTORIOUSLY hot kisser.
Here's how it works. You kiss the Nightmare Sphere, and the imprint of your lips on the silicon is mimicked by the Terror Orb your partner is holding, miles away. It connects to your phone, so there's no limit to how far you can digitally launch your mouth.
As MailOnline points out, "Users can even put their partner's body odor or perfume into the device for extra authenticity."
Yeah, just put your partner's body odor in the kissing machine. It'll feel exactly like Sheryl.
Here is a demonstration.
It feels exactly like this is happening. Exactly.
If you look closely, they are made to resemble hippopotamuses.
Because, as we all very well know, the hippo is the most erotic animal in the animal kingdom.
This is the complex machinery that makes them kiss so good. This is what the guts of love look like.
AND LOOK HOW WELL THEY WORK!
Here's a close-up view of how hot and sexy the Kissing Sphere is.
Wow. Hot and sexy. Yes. Good wiggle-work. Very good.
Please be careful where you are while using Mouth Hippo because you will likely be unable to not spontaneously orgasm. It would be unwise to use this product at, say, a child's birthday party — or anywhere else at any time.
The Kissenger was developed by a small team of sexually fulfilled engineers from City University London and Japan.