Bill Clinton's Birthday Party Sounds So Lame, But It's Costing Guests A Fortune

Bill Clinton's 70th birthday party, scheduled to take place at The Rainbow Room, will probably be extremely boring.

Namely, because it is not actually a birthday party. It is really just a fundraising event for the Clinton Foundation, meaning that everyone there will have to pay thousands of dollars to attend. You know what kills the vibe at a party? A cover. You expect too much and always leave disappointed.

Plus, people who pay thousands of dollars just for the opportunity to look at Bill Clinton are likely not very fun to drink with.

As NY Mag points out, it will cost a staggering $250k to be listed as a “chair,” which is like a guest of honor of some sort, I think. That's $250k. ("K" stands for "thousand." Of dollars. 250,000 of dollars.)

Fundraisers like this are so peculiar to me. Like, why do you have to go through the whole rouse of attending a gala and eating spaghetti and making small talk with Tom, an oil tycoon and passionate birdwatcher?

For his 60th birthday, Clinton raised $12.6 million for the foundation, according to Politico.

I mean, if the real reason you are there is to donate to a cause/foundation/campaign. It's not anything close to a fair exchange, so why don't we just skip these things and just have donors give money directly to the charity or foundation or candidate, possibly on Venmo, you know, for the sake of transparency.

Not kidding, if all donations were carried out on Venmo, campaign finance reform would jump lightyears ahead.

They do have some entertainment planned for the evening, however. Which exciting musical acts have they enlisted to get the party people riled up? Wynton Marsalis, Jon Bon Jovi and Barbra Streisand.

Now, OK, you can like Bon Jovi as much as you like, but trust me, Bon Jovi performing for a crowd of donors will be about as thrilling as someone singing the happy birthday song to an ant hill.

Hopefully Bill spices things up with a presidential sax solo to add some sex appeal to the proceedings.

Happy birthday, William.