New year, new me.
But also, new year, same old me who wants to be as drunk as possible when the clock strikes 12.
The issue is I'm an adult now.
I can't remember the last time I drank a 40 out of a brown paper bag.
I haven't had a Jell-O shot since I was about 1... not even one of these super classy ones.
And when I scream "LET'S DO SHOTS" my friends give me a look and some lame-ass excuse about work, or worse, taking care of their children.
But you don't have to forsake a good time just because your friends can't hang. You just have to trick them into thinking they're doing something classy and mature...
Like champagne. Nothing says "I'm a real adult" like champagne.
No, I don't mean taking them to one of those "Paint and Sip" classes. Gross, get out of here. I don't need to paint as an excuse to drink.
I'm talking about champagne strawberry shots.
Step one: Cut a hole in that fruit.
Step two: PUT THE BOOZE IN THAT FRUIT.
OK, it's a little more difficult than that, but we can break it down.
According to Food Network, you need a little ginger ale, unflavored gelatin, sugar, strawberries, mint leaves for garnish and CHAMPAGNE, YA'LL.
While you may be thinking to yourself,
Hold the fucking phone, Hope Schreiber. This all sounds pretty difficult.
First of all, don't swear at me. Second of all, it's like my close friend's grandma used to say to me:
Don't be so lazy -- if you can read a recipe, then you can cook.
Just let the gelatin absorb into the ginger ale, boil it, whisk in some sugar and then stir in the champagne.
Check out the full how-to here, and prepare to be the classiest drunk person on New Year's Eve.