Zayn Malik Says He Wanted To Leave One Direction 'From The Beginning'

One Directioners, get the glue ready because your heart is about to be smashed to pieces.

In his first interview since leaving One Direction, Zayn Malik confirms every fan's worst fear: He's really happy to not be in a crappy boy band anymore.

Malik, who spoke with Fader Magazine for the December/January double issue, says he “wanted to leave [the band] from the beginning.” He explains,

There was never any room for me to experiment creatively in the band…Whenever I would suggest something, it was like it didn't fit us. There was just a general conception that the management already had of what they want for the band, and I just wasn't convinced with what we were selling.

Malik says he was “always thinking” about leaving 1D, but it took him missing several shows during the “On the Road” tour to realize he'd reached the end of his rope.

When he finally decided to leave, he says,

It just felt right… I woke up on that morning, if I'm being completely honest with you, and was like, 'I need to go home. I need to just be me now, because I've had enough.'

Though leaving the band ultimately cost him his engagement to Little Mix's Perrie Edwards (whom, he clarifies, he did not break up with via text message), his former bandmates “fully get why” he decided to leave and respect his decision.

One Direction “just isn't who I am,” he says. And he's not apologizing for it.

Check out the Malik's full (and surprisingly mature) interview with Fader, here, and stay tuned — his (self-written, R&B-influenced) solo album is slated to drop early next year.

Citations: Zayn Malik Always Knew He Wanted to Leave One Direction (Cosmopolitan), Zayn Maliks Next Direction (Fader)