Today, we have been forever changed. Selena Gomez dropped a music video for her new song, "Fetish," and it's... well... it's something.
After a long week of teasing compelling photos and a few seconds of a full-blown music video, fans were surprised when they were delivered 3:04 minutes of nothing but Selena's lips.
I have to be honest with you guys, I've watched this video maybe eight times. That's close to half an hour of me just sitting alone in my apartment watching Selena Gomez's mouth move.
That's weird, right? Like, I should probably feel weird about that?
Don't you feel like you HAVE to watch it again?!
At first, my initial reaction was to think, Wow, this girl is brave. My mouth at any given moment is full of Cheetos, coffee-stained teeth, or that special bubblegum tape you buy at 7-Eleven on road trips. It takes a lot of confidence to let the universe stare at her chomper for an entire song; so that's impressive.
My second thought was, Where is her saliva? Like, homegirl has zero-point-zero spit happening, which is insane to me. I can't get through telling my dog, "Go poop," without having to swallow, so I kind of feel like this must be music video witchcraft???
Third: Girl, Where did you get that lipgloss? Those are some supple lips that I'm just dying to rub SPF all over.
One time, I read in a magazine the key to keeping your lips smooth is by brushing them with a dry toothbrush, and at the time that sounded like some high-maintenance sh*t. Now I'm like, "Selena, do you brush your lips with a dry toothbrush? Asking for a friend and Twitter and me."
I'm not too proud to admit I questioned if maybe I'm just learning I have a mouth fetish (sorry), but I can honestly say 99.9 percent of the time I find mouths to be disgusting. I think it's mostly sheer awe that keeps me coming back for more Selena-mouth than it is her sex appeal.
Still, there's no denying this song is sex on a stick... er... Chapstick. Ugh, sorry again.
Look, here's the video again. Hot tip: Watch for the lip twitch at 1:59.
If you need me, I'll be analyzing her gum-to-teeth ratio and googling Invisalign.