Lady Gaga Has Moved On From Taylor Kinney And We're Heartbroken

by Tim McGovern

Well, it's 2017, and love has officially flatlined. *Beep, beep, beeeeeeeeeeeeeep* Call it. Time of death: February 9.

While some of us may have gotten a little excited to see Taylor Kinney watching Lady Gaga perform (and Spider-Man her way into the stadium) at the Super Bowl, it looks like that bad romance is over for good.

Just kidding! The two seemed pretty great for each other -- even m'Lady said they still "love each other" when speaking to Howard Stern after their breakup.

Now, according to a source who spoke to People, Lady Gaga is dating a talent agent over at CAA.

And I could not want to vomit more.

The name of this agent? Christian Carino. He represents a number of huge clients like Justin Bieber, Jennifer Lopez and Amber Heard to name a few.

Sure, that's great for him, but WHO REPRESENTS LADY GAGA'S HEART? TAYLOR, THAT'S WHOM.

Apparently, the new couple were affectionate with each other over at a Kings of Leon concert and seen canoodling at the Super Bowl LI.

Of course, Lady Gaga previously told Howard Stern how she'd react if Taylor got into a new relationship, saying,

I'm not going to fucking throw a party!

Taylor, if you want me to throw a party for you to cheer you up, I'm clearing out my schedule in advance.

We reported earlier how Lady Gaga faked her now famous Super Bowl jump (thank God), but what isn't fake is our collective heartbreak over the fact Lady Gaga has officially moved on.

That's so real I can hardly breathe.

If they can't make it work, then who can?

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to weep in the fetal position while clutching my cardboard standee of Lady Gaga and singing "Million Reasons."

Well, to be honest, I was planning on doing that anyway.

Citations: Lady Gaga Is Dating Talent Agent Christian Carino (People)