Let Haters Hate: Dan Bilzerian Life Is Every Guy's Wet Dream (Photos)

Everyone loves to hate on 33-year-old international playboy/superstar/venture capitalist/poker player Dan Bilzerian, but I have just one question: If you had that much money and freedom, wouldn't you do the exact same thing?

I am a girl, and personally believe Mr. Bilzerian is the f*cking man. He lives the life we all wish we could obtain... but as we can't, we must live vicariously through him.

He is the alpha male's wet dream and isn't afraid to rub it in anyone's face.

Over the past year or so, his ridiculous antics and absurd behaviors have garnered him a great deal of attention.

His is a legend in the Instagram Hall of Fame as he clearly lives his life by Trinidad James' saying, "On Instagram, straight flexin'."

He's done everything from throwing a porn star off a roof to shutting up his PR rep in epic Bilzerian fashion. But why else is he utterly and undisputedly "the man"? Let me count the ways...

This is his idea of being broke:

This is how he wakes and bakes:

He understands what every girl is really thinking:

His toliet paper stash, literally, sh*ts on yours:

It may not be all about strippers and burritos for you, but it is for him:

No, seriously, he understands what women really want:

Because, between the tits and ass, there is this:

He understands what separates good sex from regular sex:

He makes cheat day his bitch:

He knows the best way to stay motivated at the gym:

He makes women's dreams come true (everyone knows girls just want to be mermaids):

He wakes up to this:

He blows up basic bitches for fun:

He celebrates holidays way better than you do:

He brings clarity to long-time, highly-debated topics:

He doesn't f*ck with basic pets:

While you are at work, he is doing work:

This is his idea of happy hour:

Because he travels like this:

And this:

And this:

Oh, also like this:

He essentially created the naked yoga olympics:

These are a few of his favorite things:

These are his groupies:

He is accepting of all kinds of pussy:

No, seriously:

This is what his meal time looks like:

He brings a whole new meaning to partying:

He's big on inspiration:

Because this happened:

Thank you, Dan, for giving us all something to aspire to.