There are three people I trust in this world: my dad, Michelle Obama and actress Anna Faris.
Faris, 40, visited Conan on his talk show this past Tuesday to talk about her new memoir "Unqualified." She explains the title is due to her having strong theories and advice on life and everything, though she claims to "know nothing."
According to the interview, the memoir's topics range from threesomes to the types of men women should date. When it comes to dating, in particular, she has some thoughts.
And you guys, when Anna Faris talks, we listen.
She explains there are a few types of men to avoid: Magicians, musicians, athletes, chefs, comedians and actors.
(Wait, actors? Anna, aren't you MARRIED TO CHRIS PRATT? More on that later.)
In the video, she suggests avoiding magicians because they're "someone who really enjoys tricking you." She said to Conan, "Like, I enjoy a good magician every now and then, but in [your] daily life, do you want someone who's like, 'I'm not telling you my secrets!'"
Other people Faris suggests we avoid:
- Musicians: unless they are classical musicians, though she notes "you don't want first chair."
- Athletes: because "there would be the constant emotional, 'I know you guys lost, but you'll win next [time]!' That seems like a big chore."
- Chefs: because, "In my experience watching 'Hell's Kitchen,' the kitchen cultivates an environment of anger... your chef is going to bring home the temper."
- Comedians and actors for their similar neediness and constant demand for cheerleading.
The main thing I think they all have in common? These kinds of professions make THEM the star, when really, we all know we (and Faris) are the real stars.
She says the only kind of profession you're safe dating is a wood worker, specifically one who can make a canoe or a small sailboat.
Making assumptions here, but I imagine this is precautionary in case of the apocalypse or a great flood threatening to wipe out all of mankind. BUT I DON'T KNOW. I'M NOT ANNA OR MICHELLE OBAMA.
Faris did break her own rule and married an actor (AND armature magician) in Chris Pratt, but I don't care. She can do whatever the fuck she wants.
I'd still follow her into the gates of Hell, probably.