Fighting with your partner can be a painful affair, but sometimes what's even worse than the fight itself is the aftermath — that time when you've gone your separate ways to cool down and everything that was said starts to sink in. While taking that space is important, once you're feeling better you will be faced with the question of who is going to break the silence, and how? While talking it out face to face is the ideal, texting is a great way to dip your toe in and test the temperature between you two, and it doesn't hurt to have an idea of what to text your girlfriend after a fight to both express how you are feeling and also to remind them why they love you, too.
What is just as important as what you say in the text is the timing of when you send it. "It is completely normal for you or your partner to need space after a fight," Kali Rogers, founder of Blush Online Life Coaching, previously told Elite Daily. This is because, as she explains, it gives you the time to get some perspective on what you are really feeling, and to allow you to drop your defenses. It also gives you a chance to "practice how you’d like to articulate an apology," Rogers said.
Once you’ve had a breather, given yourself time to center your thoughts, and know what you want to say, Rogers recommended reaching out via text. "Texting each other can bring back a state of normalcy to the relationship. It can act as a repair to whatever fight occurred and help you two get back into your daily rhythm." She also cautioned to be careful not to not to restart the fight again over text message. "It’s best to use text for positive messages only — negative messages can be read in the wrong tone or escalate a fight even more," she said.
As for how to know when you're ready to reach out with a text to your boyfriend after a fight, Rogers said to wait until you can think about the fight without "emotional flooding." She describes this as the moment when “your heart starts to race, tone or volume of voice changes, your thoughts start to accelerate, and your defensive tactics skyrocket." Her advice: Wait until you are totally at peace with yourself and the fight.
Once you feel that it’s the right time to reach out, the question remains: What do you say? If the fight has you feeling textually tongue tied, here are some suggestions of what to text your boyfriend or girlfriend after a fight to get you started.
“Right about now I’m starting to understand that whole ‘you hurt the ones you love most’ cliché. I feel terrible about what I said. Can I please make it up to you?”
"OK, so we did the fighting part… So, now can we please start making up? I promise it will be more fun.”
“I’m so sorry for the way I made you feel. I realize now that what I said was hurtful. You mean the world to me, and I promise I’ll be more thoughtful in the future.”
“I can say sorry over and over, but since actions speak louder than words ever could, come over and let me show you how sorry I really am.”
“Maybe this is corny, but it’s true. There is no happily ever after without you in it. Please forgive me.”
“Hey, I hope you’re doing alright after all that. When you’re feeling ready, can we please talk face to face? I really want to let you know how truly sorry I am.”
It can be hard to be the first one to reach out after a fight. It may require you to swallow a bit of pride, but the best relationships are worth it. Putting the worst of your feelings aside and allowing your partner time to respond will make an apology text all the more sincere. All couples fight, but it's how you make up and grow from the fight that really matters.
"Don’t judge a relationship by the fighting,” Rogers concluded. “Judge a relationship by the way you two recover and work together to reduce the frequency and/or escalation of the fights.”
Remember that while these examples of what to text your partner after a fight are helpful inspirations, the best thing you can do is come up with and write an apology that comes from a place of genuine emotion, love, and a desire to be better for your partner moving forward. It’s easy to use our words to hurt one another, but you can use them to heal a relationship, too.
Kali Rogers, founder and CEO of Blush Online Life Coaching
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