It's time we stop trying to brainwash people into thinking their wedding day will be the best day of their lives.
It won't be.
It might be a half-decent day at most or even something they cherish the memories from forever. But most likely, it will be the most chaotic, emotional and quickest day of your entire existence.
Why is that? Well, weddings are complicated.
You spend a lot of money on throwing a party for people you see occasionally, who are all coming together to celebrate you. There may be a ton of family drama present. There will probably be friend fights that come out to play, and you might even experience a few internal battles yourself – like feeling nervous over how you look or how your wedding looks.
In the end, your wedding is just like Disney World. Everyone says there's magic to be found in that place or on that day, but really, it's just a sweaty adventure filled with too many people and too many headaches.
Here are the five main reasons your wedding will be the worst day of your life:
1. You'll spend too much money.
Chances are, you have never in your life spent more money on any party than you will on your wedding. Imagine spending $30,000 on a birthday party.
Even if you've spent $1,000 on a party for yourself, you're still so worried about everything coming together and looking great. (Not to mention the price tag is probably stressing you out, too.)
The more money you spend on your wedding, the more you will stress out over making sure you squeeze every ounce of value out of the price tag you've put on your special day.
2. You'll hope for perfection.
Fingers crossed, you'll only get married once, so you want your one and only wedding to go perfectly as planned.
But it's important to take a step back and realize that no day in your life is perfect, and your wedding is no exception.
If you hope it won't rain, your vendors will show up on time and your guests will be fun, you will find your special day turning into the worst one.
You'll be struck with anxiety and feel slapped across the face if things don't live up to your expectations, and that alone can be enough to make you just want to hide in the bathroom and cry all night.
It's the norm to hope your wedding day goes off without any hiccups, since it's the party of your lifetime (aka the one you spent the most money on... ever), so it also may be depressing when the day doesn't live up to the price tag on it.
Either way, plan for the worst to happen and have a plan B and plan C.
3. You'll cry your eyes out.
Weddings are emotional, so invest in waterproof mascara and bring lots of foundation for touch ups when the tears flow down your face over and over again throughout the day.
Even if you don't plan on or want to cry, you will. You'll find yourself crying over anything and everything, from wedding vows to a family argument you found yourself in the middle of.
And then your eyes may start to swell and get puffy or red, and the makeup that you just spend a hundred or so bucks on will get messed up.
While you may have the goal of looking divine on your wedding day, tears may not make it the day you look or feel the most beautiful. Instead, you may find yourself angry when all the crying makes you look like a zombie bride.
4. You'll be lost in drama.
Speaking of arguments, whenever you have every single person you know in the same room, there is bound to be drama — whether it's a deep-rooted family feud over who got great-grandma's estate money, or drama with friends who like to pretend they're on "Jerry Springer" whenever they are forced to reunite.
Since weddings tend to be the time and place where people who haven't seen each other come together, the drama can be taken to the next level when guests come eye-to-eye with one another. They could start verbal fights, fist fights and even "Real Housewives of New Jersey"-style table flips.
Ever had a friend ruin your birthday party by showing up late or getting too drunk? This kind of drama is so much louder at a wedding, and might even require you to hire a security guard or two.
So expect drama to happen. Not everyone will get along, and when they don't, let them settle the chaos and don't get involved in being their mediator.
5. You'll wish it was longer.
Your wedding, if done right, will only last for about eight hours. And when it's over, the venue may even have to force you out.
You'll wish it lasted longer, and you'll wish it never ended because no party that costs the same amount as a car or a down payment for a house should really ever end.