A Thank You Letter To The Person We Lead On Just For The Attention
There's always been a special place in my heart for the person we keep around solely for the attention.
You know the one. It's the one you always kind of think of as your Plan B. The one who's guaranteed to make you feel like a million bucks when your actual crush is making you feel like a piece of smelly horse sh*t. The one we can't help but string along just the teensiest bit.
And for those of you sitting there thinking I am some sort of evil, insecure love sorceress for talking about this, I am just going to go ahead and say it right here for you: We all have someone like this.
If you don't have someone right now, I would bet literally anything that (whether you realize it or not) at some point, you have. And what's more, I would say it isn't even something to feel badly about.
Of course, you have to make sure it's not getting taken too far. You don't want to intentionally lead someone on who has a real, deep, undying love for you. But when the casualness of the situation is understood by both parties and it's nothing more than some light, meaningless flirting every now and again … well, that's perfectly normal and healthy, in my book.
We're all so embarrassed about keeping people like this in our lives that we don't take the time to really appreciate this person because, let's face it. This person does a whole lot of good for the old ego. Don't believe me? See how you feel when that person finally gets over you and gets out of your life.
Anyway, I'm taking it upon myself to take the time to really appreciate this person who is so characteristically under-appreciated by all of us:
Thank you for not taking us too seriously.
Because we both know this is never going anywhere.
Thank you for going ahead and sending that triple text.
And, thus, reminding us we are worth being psycho-level obsessed with.
Thank you for being our booty call when our crushes reject us.
At least we know we're getting some either way.
Thank you for reminding us that dying alone is NOT the only option.
We would always have you, if we really wanted to.
Thank you for sticking around, no matter how many times we reject you.
Nothing is more touching than your perseverance.
Thank you for making us feel like a princess at all times.
Especially when the guys we're actually into are making us feel like inferior peasants.
Thank you for the unlimited free drinks.
This thank you is coming from both me and my bank account.
Thank you for hating our sh*tty exes more than we ever could.
You serve as a constant reminder that we aren't actually crazy — this guy actually IS the worst person alive.
Thank you for making sure we get home safe.
Few things in life comfort us more than your constant, “Did you make it home OK?” texts.
Thank you for responding immediately, no matter how many times we ignore you.
You give our lives the comfortable reliability we've all been seeking.
Thank you for making us look ~flirty~ and cool in front of our real crushes.
They don't need to know we never have (and most likely never will) touch each other even with a 10-foot pole.
Thank you for putting us on a pedestal.
… even if it's one we don't technically deserve to be on.
Thank you for giving us a Plan B.
Because nothing makes us feel worse than feeling absolutely alone.
Thank you for being our designated driver.
Especially during all of the nights we were out and thought we were going to be stranded for good.
Thank you for all of the social media love.
Other than our moms and maybe our crazy aunts, who else can we count on for the automatic likes?
Thank you for being there, no matter what.
No matter HOW many times we reject you.
Thank you for laughing at all of our jokes.
Even when they aren't remotely close to being funny.