6 Things Straight Girls With A Lesbian Crush Need To Know
Hey, straight girl, I see you over there crushing on your ~lesbian~ friend.
Your lesbian friend is pretty cute. She's extremely smart, loyal as hell, as witty as it gets, and has a ton of sex appeal, so, girl, I totally get it.
I would probably have a crush on her, too. Except, I'm already a lesbian, so the experience of crushing on a woman isn't quite as jarring for me as it is for you.
I've had plenty of straight friends who have felt totally bewildered by the sudden onset of a lesbian crush. It's pretty common for everyone — no matter where they fall on the sexuality spectrum — to feel some feeling for a gender they're not used to feeling feelings for.
The thing is, if you're having lusty feels for your lesbian friend, it's definitely worth looking into because sexuality can be totally fluid.
But before you run up to her and gush about how you think you like her and maybe you should makeout or go to dinner and blah blah blah, you need to figure some shit out first.
Otherwise, you risk embarrassing yourself, ruining your friendship, hurting her feelings and plenty of other awkward things.
So here are six things you need to know before telling your lesbian friend you like her... like her, like her:
She might not be attracted to you (and that's OK).
Confession time: A few years ago, a friend of mine pushed me up against a wall while she was blackout drunk and stuck her tongue down my throat.
I pushed her away and said, "GIRL, what are you doing?"
"I have a crush on you." she slurred.
I had been drinking whiskey, so I was feeling uncharacteristically blunt. "That's sweet, but what makes you think I want to make out with you?"
"You're a lesbian," she purred.
This is when I had a huge realization: Some (not all) straight girls think all the lesbians are most definitely attracted to them.
It's like how a lot of straight men claim to be "afraid" of being hit on by a gay guy.
You just might not be her type, babe. And you have to be prepared, just like with any crush on any gender, for the brutal truth that your crush just doesn't have the hots for you.
Just because a person is gay, lesbian, bisexual or fluid, doesn't mean they're attracted to you.
She might not want to be your "first."
I know lots of lesbians who don't mind being another woman's first swim in the lady pond. I mean, everyone has to dip their toe in some body of water at some point, right?
However, some lesbians (like me) don't want to be anyone's first. I'm neurotic. I would be sick with fear that she's just going through a phase.
More importantly, I know how intense your first-time lesbian feelings are because I've been there. And while it was exciting and thrilling, it was also 15 years ago for me.
Some lesbians don't want to be anyone's first.
I'm looking for a little more stability at this stage in the game. Plus, a lot of lesbians (like me) are attracted to experience.
I'm a leader in many aspects of my life. But when it comes to my love life, I'm interested in a more seasoned lesbian who's going to show me a few things I don't already know (both in and out of the bedroom).
So even if your lesbian crush is attracted to you physically, the reality that you've never had these feelings before might be a little anxiety-inducing to her.
Then again, she could be super turned on by it, too. You just have to be prepared for her to be a little cautious. Every lesbian I know has had her heart crushed by a straight girl.
It's a brutal sting that leaves some brutal scars. And she might not be ready to risk having another scar on her body.
You need to be able to imagine getting it on with her.
One time, even I (the gayest gay on the block) had a strange crush on a boy. I felt shocked, freaked out, terrified and had no idea what the hell to do about it.
When I had my fleeting boy crush, the moment I realized it was nothing more than deep admiration for his personality was when I tried to sexually fantasize about him. Agh, even writing out that sentence feels unnatural.
Let's do an exercise: Close your eyes and visualize the lesbian you're lusting after. Now, imagine that lesbian with NO clothes on.
Are you getting turned on, baby girl? Or are you just admiring her gorgeous curves and impressively fit abs? The line can between lust and admiration can be pretty thin.
Let's take it a step further: Can you imagine her naked body on top of your naked body? Can you imagine the reverse? Can you imagine her going down on you? (See video below for deeper insight.)
Even better, can you imagine going down on her?
Oral sex is an essential part of lesbian sex, and if you can't wrap your head around going down on your lesbian crush, you might want to reconsider bringing up your crush to her.
If you won't go down on her, she probably won't be down to date to you.
Wait it out a little.
It's easy for all of us to get caught up in the glittery newness of a crush. Oh, a new person! A new body! Something NEW to obsess over and endlessly stalk on social media! It's exciting!
Oh, and someone of a different gender than you're used to sleeping with? Now that's what real thrills and chills are made of, girl.
But a lot of times, crushes pass like a ship in the dead of night.
And as your internet big sister, I really don't want you to confront your lesbian friend about your massive crush on her if it's going to fade out in a few weeks.
You could hurt her feelings if she likes you, or you could create an unnecessary, awkward situation for everyone involved.
Make sure your crush is single and if she isn't, respect that.
I can't tell you how many times straight girls have told me they have a crush on their lesbian co-worker.
"Great. Does she have a girlfriend?" I'll ask them.
"Oh, good question. I hadn't thought about that."
Girl, I know it's not natural for your brain to think of two girls dating, but not only do we date, we fall in love and have committed relationships.
If she has a girlfriend, you need to respect that and move on.
So before you go any further, make sure she's single. I know it sounds simple, but I've seen it happen too many times with my own two jaded, lesbian eyes!
If she has a girlfriend, you need to respect that and move on. You don't want to be a home-wrecker and tempt the lesbian to do something destructive like break up with her girlfriend for you, only for you to decide it was just a phase. (I say this with LOVE!)
Also, it's a little embarrassing to confess having a crush on someone who's already loved up. And my purpose in life is to help protect you from embarrassment.
You need to be prepared to lose this friendship.
OK, so if you've dutifully followed thought about the previous five things on this list, and you're still teeming with desire for your lez crush, let's get to the real shit now: Are you prepared to lose the friendship?
When you confess having feelings for a friend, things can get weird — no matter if they're male, female, unicorn or anyone in between.
When you confess having feelings for a friend, things can get weird.
I've destroyed friendships I truly valued because I couldn't hold my feelings in. And while I don't advocate for holding feelings in ever, you do have to know what you could possibly lose by being honest.
So really think about this decision, babe. At this point, it's clear your crush is real. And I totally support you expressing it to her. (Pro-tip: Don't do it drunk.)
Just know you could possibly lose a friendship over your confession.
But on the contrary, you could have the best love of your life, really great sex or you could open up a part of yourself you never knew existed. And that's worth anything if you ask me.