I think getting over a crush can sometimes be harder than getting over a real, bonafide breakup.
THERE, I SAID IT.
Controversial opinion, I know. But hear me out.
A breakup is a concrete thing that marks the end of a concrete relationship that really happened. You breakup, and you know your focus now needs to be on moving on.
Furthermore, you know exactly what you're moving on from. And society even gives you permission to be sad about it!
Getting over a crush isn't so simple.
First of all, you don't have a concrete thing you're moving on from. Anyone who's ever had a crush knows what it's like. The entirety of your crush is spent collecting little traces of hope that this might actually happen, that the other person might actually feel the same way about you.
Getting over a crush isn't getting over something that actually happened; it's getting over the hope that something might happen.
The entirety of a crush is spent collecting little traces of hope that this might actually happen.
Second, more often than not, there isn't a definitive conversation in which you and the person you've been crushing on talk about what's been happening, and you understand once and for all that it's time to move on. No, moving on from a crush happens when you decide to give up.
But when the eff do you do that? At what point do you let go of all those traces of hope you've spent so much time collecting and accept that it's never going happen? That's where I come in.
Read this list for signs it's time to give up on your crush once and for all.
1. You shared one "moment," but he never acted any further on it.
You guys had a "moment."
Maybe it was a kiss. Maybe it was a full-on hookup. Maybe it was something he said. Maybe it was just a look the two of you exchanged in which it felt like you both just knew.
Maybe you guys had a bunch of little moments and it was all of the above!
The point is, nothing ever happened after the moment. He never brought it up again. You never talked about it. It was just lost in the abyss.
Why was it lost? Because he was willing to let it go.
If the moment meant as much to him as it meant to you, I promise he would've acted on it. He would've made sure it would happen again. But he didn't.
If the moment meant as much to him as it meant to you, I promise he would've acted on it.
I know it's hard because that moment was so awesome and so intimate, and it really felt like it meant something. But, as much as I wish this wasn't true, I'm willing to bet a whole lot of money that it didn't mean anything to him.
Time to let go of it and move on.
2. It's super obvious that you aren't a priority to him.
You guys make plans all the time, but he only follows through about half the time. And that's being generous.
It's pretty obvious to everyone, including yourself, that you are in no way, shape or form a priority to him.
While you're willing to drop the entire world for him at just a moment's notice, he wouldn't even think twice about canceling his plans with you for some particularly good show on HBO right now.
Because he can't just watch that another time...
The point is, if he felt the same way about you, you'd be a priority. He'd be moving mountains to hang out with you, just like you'd move mountains to hang out with him.
If he felt the same way about you, you'd be a priority.
Move on and focus on finding someone who appreciates how freaking awesome you are.
3. He's in love with someone else.
This is a pretty common one.
Unfortunately, if he's in love with someone else, odds are, he is not in love with you.
If he's in love with someone else, odds are, he is not in love with you.
I mean, I guess best case scenario in that situation is that he's also in love with you, but is that even a best case?! No.
So stop torturing yourself. Stop being there for him while he pines over the girl who is just not you. Maybe one day he'll come to his senses and realize you were girl he should have been pining over this whole time.
Stop being there for him while he pines over the girl who is just not you.
But don't waste your time waiting for that day to come around. Unfortunately, despite what movies show us, it's probably never going to.
4. You can't bring yourself to tell — or even show — him how you feel.
I understand what's at stake here. Being vulnerable about the way you feel is scary. You could be rejected. Even worse, you could lose a friend.
But if you can't bring yourself to tell him how you feel, THIS IS NEVER GOING TO GO ANYWHERE. It's that simple.
How is this ever going to materialize into anything if the other person doesn't even have any idea that you have feelings for him?!
So if you've made up your mind and you're never going to do anything about this crush, it's time to move on. Stop putting yourself through this self-inflicted torture.
5. You told him how you feel, and he doesn't feel the same way.
I know this sucks. But, believe it or not, you lucked out! You got the closest thing to closure someone can get when it comes to getting over a crush.
The person was nice enough to give you a concrete reason to get over him. I mean, what could be more of a reason to move on than HE'S NOT INTO YOU?
Don't fall into the trap of trying to convince him otherwise. Just take his word for it and move on with your life.