There is no greater urge than the desire to text an ex. It's an overwhelming feeling — one that takes over your entire body and turns you into an insane monster that starts texting the number of your former flame before you even know what you're doing. If you're wondering, "Should I call the person who dumped me?" right now, you might want to ask yourself a few questions first. Because I can tell you from personal experience, it is not a good idea.
When it comes to exes, I'm not great at exhibiting a lot of self-control. I'm constantly asking exes out for coffee or to see movies, pretending that we're friends, when I'm really trying to win them back, even though our relationship is very over. Boundaries? What are those? I've never heard of them. However, I always regret reaching out after I do. It never feels good to revisit an old relationship that didn't work out or to get rejected again by someone who has already rejected me. It feels like yet another breakup, and I'm left feeling embarrassed and desperate.
So here are five important questions to ask yourself before you call the jerk who dumped you. Because maybe you shouldn't be calling them, you know?
1. Will You Regret It?
Let me answer this question for you: You will.
Whatever it is that you're hoping to recreate with your ex will not be recreated by reaching out to them again. Your relationship is not the same, and neither are their feelings for you. I'm sorry, I know it hurts, but it's important to remind yourself of that before you decide to text or call an ex.
Recently, I was dumped by a guy whom I was determined to become "friends" with after our breakup. Of course, in my head, I was attempting to win him back. But every time I would text or call him for plans, he either wouldn't answer or he'd reject my offers to hang out. While I was filled with hope and excitement and huge expectations before I picked up the phone, I was filled with regret every time I hung up.
So now, I always go by the simple rule: When in doubt, don't. And to make it even simpler, here is another rule: Don't text or call your exes.
2. What Are You Hoping To Get Out Of It?
Before you reach out to someone who has dumped you, figure out your intentions first. Are you trying to get back together? Do you miss them, and you're just still reaching out to your past for comfort? Are you trying to get closure, even though your relationship is long over?
If we continue to look to our past for comfort, it prevents us from moving on to the future. So maybe get to the root of why you feel the need to contact an ex, and work on that issue instead of calling them. I promise, you'll feel better about it in the long run.
3. How Will You Feel After?
I'll tell you how you're going to feel: sh*tty. Few people have ever contacted someone who dumped them and then thought, oh my God, I am so glad that I did that. While you might feel excited about contacting your ex, or even feel the insatiable need to reach out to them, consider how you might feel afterward.
That being said, sometimes, we need to make several mistakes until we learn our lesson. I know that I had to continue to reach out to my ex until I learned the lesson that my relationship was truly over. So if you're still holding on to hope, maybe you need a little while to learn your lesson. So if you still decide to reach out, prepare yourself for potential tears ahead.
4. Can You Wait It Out 24 hours?
Sometimes, if you wait long enough, the urge to call your ex will disappear. So if you feel the need to reach out, try waiting a few hours, or an entire day, and see if your feelings change. Try taking a nap. Hell, masturbate! You might just be horny. You'll be surprised at how fleeting feelings can actually be. Plus, honing your self-discipline is a great skill to have.
Listen, clearly I am on team #Don'tContactYourEx. So when it comes to reaching out to that jerk who dumped you, ask yourself: Why are you doing it anyway? It's called a breakup because it's broken. Don't go looking in the past for answers when you could just spend time healing and moving toward a fresh start in the present.
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