Why A Guy Would Turn Down Sex, According To A Gay Man
So, I wanted to have morning sex two days ago with this guy I've been seeing, and I basically got rejected. He said he had a meeting in the morning and wanted to be focused. To be honest, I was kind of taken aback. Why would a guy reject a girl's advances if they know sex is on the table?
— Claire, 27, straight
Well, despite what society has led you to believe, not all men are sexual deviants.
Sex is beyond great, sure, but contrary to most beliefs, a man's penis is not permanently erect 24/7.
A man's penis is not permanently erect 24/7.
Sometimes, even if propositioned with the chance to bone, I just want my alone time. I savor any opportunity to relax, whether it's before I get up for work or when I get home, and I'm chilling on the couch undressed.
Though horny is a mood I enjoy being in, it's not the only mood I am able to convey on an hourly basis. I could be tired. I could be hungry. I could be sleepy. Or I could be gassy, who knows.
Also, having sex — no matter how long — usually requires preparation: You start with some foreplay, then dig through your dresser for a condom, get busy with some fast-paced thrusting and finish with time allotted for cleaning up.
To be honest, it just sounds like this guy has his priorities in order.
I'm not sure what time you two arose from a deep slumber, but clearly, he considers his job important and did not want to jeopardize being late just for a quick romp.
If I were you, I wouldn't take offense or think he was lying. His rejection at the time seemed to come from a genuine place and wasn't meant to reflect on you.
His rejection at the time seemed to come from a genuine place and wasn't meant to reflect on you.
Instead, just blame the bad timing, and let him know you'll be ready to rip his pants off when the meeting is all said and done with.
What do you do when you've been texting a guy from a dating app, and they agree to meet, but then every time you bring up when's the best time to hang, they bypass the question completely? It's leaving me really confused.
— Chris, 26, gay
I would stop wasting your time now before you get too invested.
I don't know if I'm the first one to break the news to you, but despite what seems like interest, he has no real plans of ever meeting up.
Despite what seems like interest, he has no real plans of ever meeting up.
If this guy was genuinely interested in ever meeting face-to-face, he'd set the plan in motion. He'd follow through with a time, date or place and take steps in order to move things from texting to in-person.
Instead, it just sounds like he's beating around the bush. If he keeps dodging your advances when you ask when you'll hang out, there's a reason behind it. You should actually be thankful that he's not making repeated plans and cancelling on you every single time.
I've been gullible enough to let that happen, and it's not fun.
Instead of opening my eyes and acknowledging that this was clearly going nowhere, I remained "optimistic" in the hopes that we'd hang out eventually.
Oh, you have to cancel for the ninth time? I thought. Totally cool, let me reschedule my plans around you, only to have to ditch me again.
No fucking thank you.
If you're still having regular conversations this guy, I'd call him out. Don't let it slide. Instead of trying to work something out for the future, ask what the deal is.
Instead of trying to work something out for the future, ask what the deal is.
Hopefully, his bullshit response will inspire you to kick him to the curb and continue to swipe for someone who is actually available.