Do you remember your first sext? Maybe you were nervous. Or perhaps you were a super confident badass. Either way, you probably carefully considered what time of day to send it. Then, you crafted that perfectly suggestive string of words in your "Notes" app, while simultaneously carefully checking for typos. (Bad grammar is a boner killer.) You copied and pasted that sucker into your iMessage box and hesitated for a minute (three hours) before pressing "send." Next, you waited for an equally scintillating reply. Yes, you began sexting.
I'm getting chills just thinking about sending a sext. If you haven't lost your sexting-virginity yet, you should. It is thrilling. It feels naughty and risqué, while at the same time super intimate, because it's just between you and bae (and your iPhone).
Why is sexting so fun? I spoke to Dr. Dawn Michael, clinical sexologist and author of The Ultimate Intimacy Guide For Passionate People, about what is actually happening to your body when you send a sext.
Your Brain Gets A Spike Of Dopamine
Sending sexy text messages to your partner can quite literally make you feel like you've taken a drug. Dr. Michael explains that sexting can lead to a spike in dopamine, which is also what cocaine does to you. "It gives [you] a rush and this feels good," explains Dr. Michael. "Dopamine is also related to sex drive (arousal). Increased dopamine can increase desire in many people."
So sending that sexy text is going to get you and your partner full-blown pumped to touch each other the next time you see each other. How lovely. Just say no to drugs, but just say yes to a sexy text. Even if you aren't going to see your partner for a long time because they are traveling, "this heightened state of arousal can make for some very good masturbation material," says Dr. Michael.
According to Dr. Michael, sexting is sexy because of physiology, so trust that science and indulge.
You Might Feel A Little Anxiety
As with all thrilling things, the rush of wonderfulness is often preceded by some momentary anxiety. This is the age of revenge porn, and sending a picture or racy text is inherently risky. "If [you are sexting with] someone that you don't know that well, be cautious because your text can be seen by others," says Dr. Michael. A text is permanent once you send it out into the ether, so make sure you are sexting with someone you trust deeply.
Even if you do trust your partner, you might have some nerves around how they are going to react to the sexting. Dr. Michael explains that some common worries first-time sexters have are: "Are they going to understand it?" and "Is it a turn on or a turn off?" Her suggestion is "to start slow and feel the temperature of the situation. Once you get to know a person and you have a level of trust, it can be very exciting sending and receiving a sext."
Here's a rule of thumb: Generally, as long as you are texting some racy words like "I want you" and not an up close and personal photo of your nether regions, you're good. The response should generally be positive. (Shout out to anyone who's ever received an unexpected dick pic. It's... a lot.)
You'll Desire Your Partner More
As strange as it seems, the distant act of texting racy things to your partner can actually bring you closer together. "If you are apart from each other, traveling or even in the military, it is one way to connect quickly and keep the passion flowing in your relationship," explains Dr. Michael
And if you are in the same vicinity? Receiving a sexy text at work is going to make you want to race home to be with bae in the flesh, which is exciting, especially if you are in a long-term relationship. "[If you] want to spice up your sex life and get your partner to think about you, sending them a sext from time to time can remind them about how sexy you are," explains Dr. Michael. Keep it fresh. Your entire relationship will benefit.
OK so, sexting with someone you love and trust is literally like a drug. You don't want to get too caught up in it (here's looking at you Anthony Weiner), but it's great to do from time to time. Your body will get aroused in a new and exciting way, and even if you feel a little anxiety before sending the sext, the wave of relief once it's done will leave you super excited to have sexy times with your boo.
Oh, and don't sext and drive.
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