How To Make Your Relationship Work If You're Both Bottoms
Society has stigmatized what it means to be a top and what it means to be a bottom in the gay community.
As a "top," you're automatically overtly masculine, larger and more dominating. You're the one who takes control and makes the decisions because you're the one who's doing the penetrating.
As a "bottom," you're feeble, submissive and possibly labeled as feminine or girly. You're the smaller one of the pair and, for lack of better phrase, thoroughly enjoy taking it up the butt.
In any relationship between two men, there's always that awkward moment when you've stripped naked and you're unsure of what the next move is.
Some, like me, bring up the lingering question well before sex is put on the table to avoid any conflict or hardheadedness. A continuing number of gay men are versatile (they top and bottom), but you'll still find a few who rarely veer off their own course.
Before I had sex with men for the first time, I just assumed I had to bottom. I'm a small guy, and I always felt that would naturally be the position I'd fall under. Mounting some broad-shouldered gentlemen who was twice my size would just be awkward.
Though I tend to prefer bottoming thus far (because that's all I've had the opportunity to do), I still remember to leave my options open.
But what if I were to find, and eventually fall in love with, another self-proclaimed bottom? Sex is a very important part of any relationship, and if our preferences are too similar, is that an automatic recipe for disaster?
Certainly not if you aren't resistant to trying some different things to keep the sexual aspect of your relationship thriving.
Sometimes, you just have to get creative and channel your more adventurous side. So here's how to have sex with a bottom if you're a bottom.
Seek out a penis substitute.
There are plenty of products, ranging from butt plugs to powerful vibrators, that you can incorporate into your bedroom action as an alternative to being pounded out.
Use them to play with yourself or play with your partner — it's all about filling this so-called "void" (in every sense of the word).
As long as you're working in tandem and helping to get each other a little more creatively, the absence of the actual "fucking" act won't seem to matter as much for the person who's not bottoming.
Focus more on foreplay.
Let's also not forget that penetration isn't the only exhilarating option, bound to make your toes curl.
Use new oils, props or anything out of the ordinary to enhance your typical blowjob or rim job. Again, it's not as much about the actual products used as it is about making the most about something that you've already been doing in the first place: foreplay.
An increased focus on foreplay will switch things up to make it more of the main course during time with your boyfriend. Move from the bed and find yourself fooling around in the shower or an area of the apartment that typically isn't reserved for sex.
This is an opportunity for you both to seek out and enjoy dominance, something that you may not experience as a designated bottom. Make the most of it!
Just suck it up.
There are plenty of fears that men have when it comes to topping that are incredibly reasonable.
Afraid to finish early? Poor position technique? An innate desire to just lay there and let your partner take the reigns? I'm right there with you.
But sometimes, you just have to be willing to bend a little (metaphorically and literally, of course).
Compromise is key in any relationship, whether you're straight or gay. For two men, if you truly care for each other, it's important to weigh your feelings for the person you're dating against how passionately you feel about taking a specific sexual position.
Dabbling in a different position may only enhance your sex knowledge and teach you things you'd never learn without the new experience.
I have no problem endorsing how great bottoming is, but I would never let it define me in a relationship. Making sure your partner is pleased, no matter how you do it, is just as important as fulfilling your own sexual desires.
Sometimes, you just have to make choices. Like, to fuck or not to fuck? That is the big question.
I already know my answer.