Despite what some may think, I can vouch for most males by saying not all of us wake up and go to sleep with a fully-erect penis.
You see, while we may enjoy putting it to good use as often as we can, our minds and bodies don't always align perfectly with what's dangling between our legs.
That's right: Even with all the confidence in the world, sometimes, men just can't get it up.
We don't have much say in the matter. Biology just straight up shits the bed, forcing our minds into a frenzy while we contemplate what we could've possibly done wrong to end up in this overwhelmingly flaccid situation.
You could be smoking-hot, Victoria (or David, in my case) Beckham-status, and a guy's still limp as a fettuccine noodle.
But why is that? WHY GOD, WHY? WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?
Well, I may never have been declared an official lord and savior, but I do have some explanations as to why getting a hard-on can sometimes be so goddamn... well, hard.
This is probably the most cliché reason on this list, but yes, it is possible for a guy to get himself so worked up that things just short circuit.
Despite that cool and calm exterior before ripping off my clothes, let me tell you: I'm freaking the f*ck out. Don't make things worse.
Performance anxiety is a real thing, ladies and gentlemen. It's completely possible for a man's penis to freak out if he can't stop worrying about what he looks like with his clothes off, if he'll come way too early, or if he'll just be a generally terrible sexual partner.
Instead of the blood circulating properly downstairs, there's too much action going on upstairs, causing the dong to dangle.
Oh, whiskey dick.
You see, too much alcohol not only impairs your immediate motor functions, but it also causes your body to go numb. Things don't work like they should... for instance, like when a penis puts up a "do not disturb" sign.
Try as you might, but all those shots that he just slammed down have basically put his body on freeze-mode, preventing him from achieving any type of erection whatsoever.
While alcohol may be a surefire way to shake off any anxiety you're feeling (or nerves, re: point one), resist the temptation to overindulge, unless you want to order a side of disappointment with that sixth frozen margarita.
Similar to the abuse of booze leading to an unusable d*ck, too many drugs in your system can also result in the same effect.
Whether it's a prescription drug that treats anxiety, depression or stress, or a drug you'd purchase in a dark, seedy alleyway, it's all the same.
The added chemicals coursing through your veins disrupt the body's usual processes, and in this case, halts the ability for a dude to do truly magical things with his penis.
The solution here is a simple one: He'll need to lay off the hardcore narcotics, or if he's actually in need of these medications, add another one to the list that'll counteract the softening side effects.
Because stress has a funny sense of humor, an already unfocused mind can only contribute to a man's lack of penile activity.
As hard (sorry) as he may want to get it up, if a guy's thoughts are scrambling around in his head, that mission to achieve lift off won't be as successful as he'd hope.
To make matters worse, that lack of erection will likely bring about MORE stress, leading to an endless rotation of failed sexual attempts and expensive therapy sessions.
Best advice: Just relax, man. The more you worry, the more junior will stay hidden, afraid to step up to the plate for the big game.
5. Lack Of Interest
An overall attraction and desire to take things to Poundtown doesn't necessarily justify enough reasons to seal the deal.
In turn, despite the initiative to have all the sex, a guy's nether regions may not comprehend what his testosterone-filled body is trying to tell him. That sexual attraction may be strong, but what about other factors? Is there an actual general interest beyond that?
He could not be in the mood, he could potentially be seeing other people and not want to ruin that relationship, or you know... he could just be gay.
Exhibit A: yours truly. I used to have plenty of "interest" in women, but was never capable of actually sealing the deal. That is, until I came out of the closet and realized that my "interest" was a smoke and mirror tactic to disguise my true desire for all things salami.
Take this as you may, but speaking from personal penis experience, remember that boners are sensitive. A guy unable to get hard doesn't want to be scolded. If he and his member are unable to get the job done, don't yell. Don't scream. Just whisper sweet nothings and promise that everything is going to be alright.
Works every time.