We’ve all been there before. It’s not something we are immune to, no matter how much we may want to pull the George Clooney for the rest of our lives. At one point or another we all thought that we loved someone: we believed that he or she was placed in this world to be our match -- and we were even naïve enough to think that we were going to stay together forever.
And yet, despite it all, these thoughts managed eventually to nosedive and evaporate as if they never existed at all. That person I am referring to is of course dramatically referred to as the one that got away. That person who remains a constant fixture at the back of our minds, even when we think that we’re over him or her.
It stings knowing that someone you cared about so much, and thought you loved, managed to walk out at the drop of a dime for reasons that can’t really be rationalized. Of course it sucks to lose someone so close, but it happens to everyone – and sometimes it can result in something positive.
Sure it’s not something you see right away, or something that you will see as a good thing for quite some time, but what you must realize is that it's a necessary experience for you to grow as a person. In terms of maturation, there is nothing that helps you more than seeing someone walk out of your life. It forces the responsibility of happiness and the maintenance of high spirits unto yourself. You learn to rely on yourself.
The biggest mistake people make is depending on other people to make them happy. They think that true happiness is linked to relationships and someone else making them happy. This is why people go crazy when they are alone or single for an extended period of time, they think they are the outcasts of the world and will never find happiness.
This is why you find serial monogamists -- people jumping from relationship to relationship -- they have never managed to figure out how to make themselves happy and depend on others to fulfill them.
The truth of the matter is when we do lose that person, we come to realize this and grow as a person for the better. Some can't handle it, lose their minds and start walking down a dangerous path, but others decide they are going to find a way to figure it out.
Think about it, if you were still with your high school sweetheart, do you really think you would have advanced as a person? Or would you stay in the same mindset, never evolve, and cower in a made-up bubble that you have created.
True happiness and love don’t occur when two people depend on each other, but rather it happens when you have found yourself and are happy with yourself alone. That’s when someone else comes into the equation to pose as a parallel – not your security blanket. You have to learn to be okay with yourself, with your mind in order to be in a healthy relationship that you enjoy.
Aside from growth as an individual, the one that got away also encourages us in life. Let’s be honest, when we are with someone we love we get a bit too comfortable sometimes, we start putting things second and have our heads in the clouds. But when we are left alone, we thrive as humans because we are inspired to work harder, prove them wrong and are motivated by anger -- which is the best possible motivation you can have.
The one that got away and walked out on us should not be viewed as a bad thing, but rather a stepping-stone for your life. It’s what shapes you as a person and allows you to learn more about yourself than you ever thought you possibly could.
Life is about turning negatives into positives and connecting the dots while moving forward. Sure it may have sucked when things ended between you two, and you thought binge drinking and drugs would help, but in the long term, the only way is to figure it out on your own while your back is pinned against the wall -- that is what life is all about.
This person, believe it or not, shapes you into who you will eventually be. He or she exists purely for your past and your future motivation, rather than what was happening in the moment.
There are some people who are weak -- those are the ones that can't handle it and turn to drugs or jump into it with a rebound – in order to fill the void in their lives, their insecurities tell them they need someone there for them at all times. Then there are those that take it head on and decide to figure it out on their own and find themselves after they have hit their lowest point.
The best part about it is that the energy you wasted on them can be transferred into something positive that will have a greater outcome on your life. People always say you need something to keep your mind off things – use this as an opportunity to start learning something new, taking on a new hobby or even channeling it into your work life and exceling there.
Life is all about where we channel our energy and that is the choice we are left to make when that person walks out of our lives. You should be thankful they did because eventually you will find your true happiness alone and you won’t have to trust someone who is undependable with your heart.
Preston Waters | Elite.