Javier Díez

Why Losing Your Virginity Doesn't Need To Include Love

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I have a secret no one has probably ever told you before: Losing your virginity doesn't have to be a big deal.

I know. Everybody remain calm.

Society and sex culture has hyped up losing your virginity to be like, OMG, MAYBE THE BIGGEST FUCKING THING YOU CAN DO IN YOUR LIFE.

And, while YES, it is totally bizarre and something that absolutely demands responsibility, communication and lots and lots of consent, the actual having-sex-for-the-first-time part is pretty... meh.

There is a really good chance your first time is going to be awkward, painful, embarrassing or all three, so I tell all my friends who are still virgins (and not because they are waiting for personal beliefs or religious reasons) to just get it over with.

Seriously. To me, losing your virginity is a necessary evil to get to all the good parts, like actually enjoying sex instead of dwelling on having sex.

When I was younger, I thought the key ingredient to losing my virginity was true love.

It HAD to be with someone who TRULY LOVED ME, would NEVER, EVER LEAVE ME and would, like, I don't know, look into my eyes and know my inner soul, and we'd touch the face of God together or something.

Guess who I consciously decided to lose it to because I thought he "loved me"? Ding, ding, ding! My idiot high school boyfriend who ended up cheating on me anyway.

Very not romantic. Very stupid. Very wish it went a different way.

If I could do it all over again, I'd hands down pick a total stranger or a platonic best friend to lose it to. That way, the pressure is ALL THE WAY off, no expectations are set and there isn't any lingering performance anxiety or stage fright.

In fact, I'd probably book a trip to China and do it with a man twice my age who doesn't speak my language because that probably comes around once in a lifetime, just like losing your virginity. (You know, two birds, one stone kind of thing.)

Here is what you absolutely DO need in order to lose your virginity: mutual respect + consent + a protection plan.

That's it.

Just pick somebody who isn't an asshole and have a game plan when it comes to pregnancy. Other than that? Just go for it, sister (or brother). You'll be thankful you did!

Here is what you absolutely DO need in order to lose your virginity: mutual respect + consent + a protection plan.

Once the hassle of losing your V-card is out of the way, you can get on with learning your personal sexual preferences, figuring out what feels good and turns you on and orgasming. It's a bonus if true love shows up along the way, but if not, at least you're orgasming.

Oh yeah, another great reason to get over the prerequisite of finding true love before having sex is because orgasms are awesome. Highly recommend.

Life is so short, and we only get so many orgasms while we're on this weird ass rock floating through outer space, so we might as well get cracking. Stop wasting your time!

Of course, to be clear, I am not saying you should compromise personal values and beliefs. If it is part of your journey to wait until marriage, I think that's admirable, awesome and great. If it is part of your journey to NEVER have sex, that's also admirable, awesome and great.

What I AM saying is, don't hang onto the idea that sex must come from a place of eternal romantic love. It just needs to come from a place of mutual respect and the desire to have fun.

It's, like, totally rad if you lose your virginity to regular old Bob down the street. Prince Charming is so overrated anyway, and I bet Bob makes a better breakfast burrito.

Go get 'em and tell them LeeLo sent ya.