If you are fortunate enough to be indulging in morning sex, do yourself a solid and don't sabotage it with a mouth that radiates stuck-in-your-gums-overnight-sashimi and eau-de-next-day-Chardonnay. (I definitely just gagged a little.) You had a great date followed by a great sleepover; with great power comes great responsibility, you dig?
There's no place for morning breath in morning sex. If you stay over your date's house — or, more likely, apartment — and wake up with a monster-mouth of hideousness because you didn't bring a travel toothbrush with you and it's too soon to leave one at casual bae's place, what do you do?
There are many things you can do to keep your mouth smelling fresher than a brand new baby's. (Assuming babies have fresh breath? I feel like they do.) Here's how to get rid of morning breath for morning sex, according to science:
Watch What You Eat
If someone wants to morning-sex you, I'm going to assume that's an indication that you're a pretty awesome person who is intelligent enough to know that onions and garlic are no bueno on a date. Beware, though, it's not only sardines and garlic fries that are going to leave your mouth stinkier than the New York City subway. "The truth is, any food can cause an unpleasant odor when particles linger in your mouth," according to the National Sleep Foundation website.
And the sooner you can brush those bits right out of your teeth, do it. (See "Hoe On The Go" kit below.)
Drink More Water
Science says that a dry mouth is the leading cause of bad breath in the AM. According to the National Sleep Foundation, our bodies make less saliva while we sleep, and that encourages bacteria to grow, which leads to the smell we associate with bad breath.
Takeaway: Stay super hydrated. Obviously you don't want to be exiting your spoon sesh at all hours of the night to pee, but having a glass of water next to the bed is a good hack. You can be real cute and bring bae a postcoital beverage, too. Plus, you get to snoop that fridge, which I find weirdly interesting when I'm getting to know someone.
However, make sure that beverage is H2O: The National Sleep Foundation confirms that alcohol and coffee in fact lead to more bacteria in the mouth. Gross.
Shut Your Mouth (At Night)
Yes, not talking in your sleep on a sexy sleepover is smart so as not to humiliate yourself, but more importantly, shutting your mouth is good for your breath situation. Keeping your mouth closed at night (unless your nose is clogged; please don't suffocate) prevents your mouth from getting too dry during the night.
Of course, you can't control everything that you do in your sleep, but you can control what position you go to sleep in. According to the National Sleep Foundation, back sleepers are more likely to snore with their mouths open, "so working to find a better sleep position might help you fend off morning breath." Spooning seems like a good fix here.
Create An "On The Go" Kit
I enjoy calling this a "hoe on the go" kit, because reclaiming the word "hoe" is my favorite. I bring my makeup in my bag with me on dates, so why can't I fit a cute little oral hygiene kit in there, too?
Pick out a tiny toothbrush, petite paste, and maybe even a mini mouthwash and place them in a small pouch. You'll be able to clean your teeth right after dinner, before bed, and in the morning as well. After all, the key to more tolerable morning breath is constant care of your teeth and gums.
Rinse Your Mouth
OK, so mouthwash is one way of doing rinsing out, but the alcohol in it can also make your mouth dry, which we now know is the arch-nemesis of fresh breath. Still, it can have its benefits. Mayo Clinic explains, "If your bad breath is due to a buildup of bacteria (plaque) on your teeth, your dentist may recommend a mouth rinse that kills the bacteria. "
Another rinse-centric option is to give oil pulling a try. It sounds weird, but putting a teaspoon of coconut oil in your mouth and swishing it around for 20 minutes can actually help your mouth get clean. According to a 2008 study, sesame oil pulling decreased bacteria counts in adolescent boys' plaque in just two weeks.
I know, 20 minutes is long AF. When I was researching this article, I got really freaked out about my own breath and decided to give oil pulling a try. It was surprisingly easy to keep liquid in my mouth for twenty minutes while I was distracted by my work.
There are a lot of different ways to get your mouth in shape for a morning romp. You might choose to ignore all of my suggestions and just make a quick exit to root around in your date's medicine cabinet for some toothpaste to put on your pointer finger. Or, you might choose to go see your doctor and see how to get rid of bad breath once and for all. (It might be a scary thing called a tongue scraper.)
Bad breath isn't a cute look and you are a cute person, so take care of your mouth the way you take care of your nether regions before a date.