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Feel Guilty After Masturbating As A Woman? 3 Ways To Stop Feeling So Ashamed

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For men, masturbation is a straight up rite of passage. It feels like every blockbuster comedy has a joke about a suburban mother coming to terms with her pubescent son's "crusty sheets," and every male comic has a bit about "yanking it" to porn. Lady comics definitely talk about touching themselves, too, but society as a whole really likes to pretend that masturbation doesn't exist for half of the population.

It's 2017; we almost had a female president. (Sighs.) So why do women still feel guilty after masturbating? It's natural, it's delightful, and everyone does it. It could be the world's history of generally shaming women for being sexual beings, the Puritanical roots of our country, or, you know, the patriarchy.

However, I'm less concerned with researching our antiquated history, and more concerned with helping more ladies get down with getting themselves off, so here are some ways to stop feeling ashamed of masturbating if you are a woman.

Accept That It's Totally Normal

We live in the age of sex toy subscription boxes and feminist porn, which are money-making industries and thus concrete examples that should reassure you that you are not alone in touching yourself. There are articles, books, and even TV shows about women who masturbate, so let those be further reminders that masturbation is totally innocent.

You most likely first had the impulse to masturbate at a young age, possibly before you even knew what you were doing. That's how normal it is. Children figure it out without having ever seen a porno or even knowing what sex is.

It's possible that when you did reach for your nether regions, a parent told you, "Don't touch your Volvo!" (that's what I called my vajay when I was little) because you were in front of people. Or maybe they shamed you entirely for it. Either way, we're taught to explore our bodies in private only, which can sometimes lead to some lasting, subconscious shame spirals that should not exist. The antidote? Accept that we all masturbate.

Reframe It As A Feminist Act

If you still can't quite come to terms with the weird, engrained guilt you feel about touching yourself alone in the privacy of your bedroom, think about the men in your life. (Except not your dad or your brothers, ew.) Your boyfriends, male friends, and male co-workers can all talk and joke about jerking off with each other. Or rather, they can joke about jerking off to each other.

Masturbation is funny to men, because society told them so. It's similar to the way guys send shameless dick pics to women, and are shamed on the internet for it way less often than women are victims of revenge porn. Sometimes, it seems like a man has to be Anthony Weiner-level inappropriate to feel any sort of shame around attaining sexual pleasure.

Let that infuriate you, and subsequently give you permission to see yourself to the land of the big O solo. Masturbating proudly is one tiny step towards equality, you know? Forget the shame and congratulate yourself for pleasuring your lady parts because men do it all of the time.

Plus, when dudes masturbate, it actually makes a mess. So if anyone should be embarrassed, it should be them.

Talk To Your Friends About It

Depending on how open you and your friends are about sex stuff, this might totally weird you out, and I hear that. But if you're around a group of women who can talk openly about masturbation, you're going to realize that it's a lot less taboo than society makes it out to be.

You don't have to share the details of exactly how you splay yourself on your bed and what you use to start your engine, but you could talk about masturbation in a casual way to normalize it. If you have a particularly open friend, maybe she's the first one you mention it to.

And if that's still too cringe-worthy for you, listen to a podcast or read a book about women and self-love... the physical kind. Try Corinne Fisher and Krista Hutchinson's podcast "Guys We F*cked," which is a self-described "anti slut-shaming podcast."

The main thing to overcome when thinking about shame and masturbation as a woman is, well... all of society. The world we live probably in gave you a lot of "bad habits" around the way you perceived masturbation.

If you want to stop feeling ashamed of masturbating, as an individual you can work on overcoming that voice telling you that you are doing something wrong or dirty when you take a few minutes out of your day to please yourself.

When that voice peeps up, shut it down. Whether that means reframing the act as feminist one, or Googling an article like this one to remind yourself that touching yourself down there is normal, just tell that voice to "shh" and be on your way to Pleasure Town. (Except maybe don't call it Pleasure Town. That sounds like a terrible porn and kind of kills the mood.)

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