'Tis the season for hilarious Christmas puns and merry sexual innuendos, people.
If you're like me, you like to capitalize on any special occasion to spice things up. The holidays are the perfect time to give your bedroom talk a little Christmas cheer and make things as entertaining at the movie Christmas Vacation and as hot as some mulled wine.
So you might need to try these phrases out.
Here is a definitive list of the best Christmas-themed dirty talk phrases:
"I'm going to jingle your bells."
"Santa Clause is cuming to town."
"You're on the naughty list this year."
"Jack Frost's nipples on your nose." (eh??)
"Roast your chestnuts on my open fire."
"I'm going to ride you like a reindeer."
"Santa needs a little helper."
"I want you to stuff my stocking."
"I want to eat your milk and cookies."
"I have a big present for you."
"Let's make sure you get something off your wish-list tonight."
"Your special present is inside my box."
"You sleigh me."
"I've been extra good this year."
"Show me your North Pole."
"Miracle on [insert your street name]."
"Lick my candy cane."
"Show me those sugar plums."
"Tonight I'll be a real Nutcracker."
"Deck my balls."
"Walking in an orgasm wonderland."
"Tis the season to be horny."
"Cum, they told me. Parumpum pum pum."
"When I think about you I touch my elf."
"Better wrap that present up before you give it to me."
"Let's get rocking around the Christmas tree."
"It's Mrs. Clause to you."
"Cuming down your chimney tonight."
"Your stocking is HUNG."
"Come sit on Santa's lap."
"Santa Baby, OH BABY YES BABY."
"Baby it's cold outside, but hot in here."
"My friends call me Prancer, but you can call me Vixen."
"Is that a candy cane or are you just happy to see me?"
And last but certainly not least....
""OHHHHHH!!! (Christmas tree.)"