Igor Madjinca

A Beginner's Guide To Good Butt Play

Just the thought of having a finger (or any object for that matter) in or around the inner regions of a perky ass makes most of the world's butts clench up.

But the butt is an exceptional way for anyone to get themselves off, whether you're a man or woman.

"The prostate is easily accessible in men by gradually working into full sensation a few inches in," says Dr. Kat Van Kirk, certified sex therapist for Adam & Eve.

Danil Nevsky

For all you ladies out there, you can still achieve that "O" face through anal action because, according to Dr. Van Kirk, "two inches on the upper wall for women is where you'll find the glands."

"You'll know by sensation. Some women refer to it as an anal orgasm," she continues.  And who doesn't love a good anal orgasm?

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If you're a woman interested in trying something new with her man, this guide will enlighten you on some proper donk-iquette. If you're a guy afraid to be labeled as gay for doing anything even close to your ass, stop being a little bitch. Jerk off while you're poking around your prostate, and then, get back to me.

If you're a woman interested in trying something new with her man, this guide will enlighten you on some proper donk-iquette. If you're a guy afraid to be labeled as gay for doing anything even close to your ass, stop being a little bitch. Jerk off while you're poking around your prostate, and then, get back to me.

I'm here, along with expert Dr. Kat Van Kirk, to ease you into the world of butts and all the glorious things that can come with a little anal action.

Have very good hygiene.

Because I'm a gay man, butt play is like second nature to me. Since I'm lacking in the vagina department, penetrative options are only available if one person decides to bend over.

That's not to say I don't understand why most men and women are nervous when it comes to anything having to do with butts in relation to sex. It seems one of the dirtiest fears definitely has to do with a cleanliness factor.

Amy Schumer's song "Milk Milk Lemonade" got right to the bottom (get it?) of things, with blunt lyrics like "'round the back where fudge is made" and "this is where my poo comes out."

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But if you just accept the fact that playing with your ass doesn't mean you're going to get shit on, we can collectively move on to a more pleasurable experience.

"Very little fecal matter actually exists in the rectum," Dr. Van Kirk says.

Very little fecal matter actually exists in the rectum.

That being said, you should make a conscious effort to be a little extra thorough when cleaning yourself if butt stuff is on the menu.

While the vagina may be self-cleaning and doesn't benefit from douching, your colon certainly can. Douching with warm water will assist in rinsing you out, while a regular pack of baby wipes will come in handy when it comes to cleaning the outside up.

Trinette Reed

Constant and repetitive douching isn't recommended due to risk of irritation or cuts to anal tissue, but cleaning out the rectum using this tactic every so often is fine if done properly.

Using a soft, rounded nozzle (like this Ultra Douche), tons of lubricant and a moderate amount of water will be your golden ticket to a clean bum.

Ultra Douche, $23, Adam & Eve 

And whatever you do, don't go and throw your dick inside other holes if it was just in or around someone's anus, as it "can introduce pathogens," according to Dr. Van Kirk, and is just downright unsanitary.

Lube up, and talk it through.

Honesty is key in this scenario.

Instead of shouting in uncomfortable spurts, speak up to your partner about what's working for you and what feels like you're being jabbed with a baseball bat.

"Putting your lubed fingers around the rim and tickling the perineum can help you either of you gauge interest," says Dr. Van Kirk.

Put your lubed fingers around the rim and tickle the perineum to help you either of you gauge interest.

Also, speaking of lubed fingers, don't be stingy when it comes to applying lubricant on whatever is about to crash land in that butthole. The more, the better.

And by more, I mean completely doused. Saturated. Drown in that fucking lube.

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Fingers first, toys later.

When people think of butt play, their thoughts immediately go to flesh-colored, veiny strap-ons and that "Broad City" episode about pegging.

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Too bad there are an abundance of things that could go on, in and around the booty.

Beginners like yourselves could start with fingers, or you could do wonders with the A&E Booty Boot Camp Training Kit: three silicone anal plugs in a range of gradual sizes to prepare you for action.

Booty Boot Camp Training Kit, $30, Adam & Eve 

"Rub or vibrate the outside first, graduating to inserting more of the toy or finger," Dr. Van Kirk says. Go ahead. Press, push, poke, go inside or take a peek.

Rub or vibrate the outside first, graduating to inserting more of the toy or finger.

"By the way, be sure your nails are clean clipped so as not to cause abrasions or infections," she adds.

Take things slow and steady.

Anything anal-related has a negative connotation for being immensely painful, but proper butt play should not hurt. This isn't old fashioned p in v action. Butt play requires a little bit more preparation, so go slow.

"This will help increase anticipation as well as show your partner that you respect him or her and are willing to slow things down to avoid any pain," says Dr. Van Kirk.

Show your partner that you respect him or her ... [by] slow[ing] things down to avoid any pain.
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Work your way into it, maybe just by dabbling around the rim using a finger without penetration, and eventually graduate from that pointer of yours to something a little more vibrant.

Seeing your partner more relaxed is the green light for you to take things up a notch.

It may take a while, but all that build up will be worth it.

All in all, it's a great way to get off.

Going into butt play with the idea that it's going to be excruciating will ultimately make it excruciating. Have an open mind... and, well, an open asshole. "More tension equals more pain," says Dr. Van Kirk. 

More tension equals more pain.

Consider me biased (because, you know, the whole homosexual thing), but butt play is not only pleasurable, it also gives me the opportunity to rid myself of insecurities.

It involves such a sensitive part of the body that exposing it to someone else really allows you to just let yourself go and experience pleasure from a POV that someone prone to having ol' generic orgasms wouldn't necessarily expect.

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If nothing else, taking part in anal sex requires a certain level of comfortability and confidence that everyone should strive for.

Sure, this type of stimulation may not be for everyone, but it's like that first bite of brussels sprouts as a child: You won't know if you like 'em or not until you give it a try at least once.