We live in a super kinky world.
Risqué things that once hid comfortably behind closed bedroom doors now take up residence on our TV screens for overwhelming public consumption. (See: twerking.)
In a recent data dig, Mic found the resurgence of big tushes is piling up in the porn we love. But are we really getting to the root of our anal admiration?
We're more comfortable discussing our genitals than the ins and outs of our backdoor activities (probably because we'd rather be dicks than be assh*les).
We turned to certified sexologist, Megan Andelloux of The Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health for the scoop on poop chute sex.
Before we proceed, a word of advice: "Breathe, it calms the body down."
1. On a scale of 1 to Hell No, how dangerous is the new Rosebud trend?
According to VICE, having part of your fanny literally fall out of your ass is what tickles extreme perverts’ fancy.
Within the fragile walls of casual sex, Andelloux says, “Hell no!”
“Unless you have extremely good health insurance, [and] like Depends and anal surgeries,” she says in reference to an anal prolapse, where your anal innards flame outwards, “I strongly encourage you to take care of your rosebud.”
2. For anal virgins, how should they proceed into the act?
It’s asinine to have sex when you don’t want to. Where’s the fun in that?
So, first thing is first: Enjoy yourself.
Have some enthusiasm when you let your partner take on your tail-end. It'll also help you loosen up down there if you're relaxed and turned-on.
“No one knows a liar better than your asshole,” she says.
As far as positions go, take charge:
“Back on up onto your partner versus having your partner go in you. The person being penetrated should be in control, that way if something hurts, they can stop instead of having to ask for someone to stop.”
3. What's the best position for an anal orgasm?
For this query, Andelloux drops an unlikely gem: "All orgasms involve the ass."
But not unlike with vaginal coitus, some posterior recreation doesn't ensure "The Big O."
"Since bodies are vastly different, I encourage people to play naked Twister," she suggests. "Pay attention to what feels good instead of what the newest sex position is."
4. What type of lube is best, and is there such a thing as too much?
Never rush to shake your rump against your partner's boner without lube.
Andelloux suggests you come equipped with silicone-based lube for a gentler experience during your self-serving rectal exam:
"Silicone lubricants have not been found to damage the cells and do not increase the chances of transmission of STI’s, so they are slightly safer than most water-based lubricants."
While lube is a must, make sure you don't OD, or you'll run the risk of the latex slipping off.
"For anal play, start with 4-6 drops on the object going in the butt and 4-6 drops on the anus," she advises. "If things feel dry, then slowly add more. Don’t dump half the bottle on the butt right away."
Quick cheat sheet: Silicone-based lube first, water-based second and spit third. If you still feel dry down there, don’t do it, or you'll have a sad a-hole.
5. How messy does anal sex actually get?
Sadly, Andelloux feels there's no way around it:
"Expecting to have anal without coming in contact with feces is like expecting to have vaginal sex without coming in contact with vaginal lubrication. The good news is that there is a difference between coming in contact with feces and shitting everywhere."
If you're a neat-freak, take a shower beforehand and get a nice butthole floss in there.
6. Seriously, what objects should be strictly off limits during anal play? Do you need to wear condoms?
While it's probably fun as crap to stick toys in your bunghole for pleasure, bad anal choices can result in emergency rooms visits.
Therefore, don't shove random things in your hindparts without caution or without a flared base.
"Each person has to calculate their own level of how much risk they want to engage in,"Andelloux tells us."I recommend not trying to determine this when you're naked and frolicking because no one wants to think of intense things like that during sexy times."
Seriously, assess the risks before playing bump and grind from behind.
As far as condoms go, they protect against infections of all kinds, including ones that are STI related and ones that could be harboring in your toys if the material is not sterile.
"You can engage in anal play without condoms, but it does involve more risk taking," advises Andelloux.
7. Bottom line: Is anal sex even a good thing?
Let your personal morals be the judge of how far you let your cheeks go.
But anatomically, Andelloux there's no holes barred, as long as we respect it and play nicely.
In the past, we've been taught to put reasonably sized things in our mouth, eat slowly, drink water and breathe. The same are applied to anal play.
"If you just shove something in your mouth," Andelloux says. "You might throw up or choke, right?"