Valentine's Day celebrations may be intended for hot and heavy lovers, but that doesn't mean single folk like me can't enjoy some parts of the holiday.
And by some parts, I mean I love me some candy.
I usually don't need an excuse to inhale multiple sleeves of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, but if you've strolled through your neighborhood Rite Aid lately, you know that shit is decked out in candy right now.
And for those who remember the good, ol' days of swapping heart-shaped cards with their secret admirers in elementary school, those exchanges typically came with candy as well: candy hearts.
Yes, minuscule candy hearts with cutesy sayings like "Be Mine" and "Luv U" always helped get your point across when it came to your crush.
The candy itself tasted like complete chalk, but hey, I'm a human garbage disposal, and I welcomed every box with an open mouth anyway.
And now, #RejectedCandyHeartSayings is trending on Twitter, and it's brought about a new wave of phrases for candy hearts that ended up on the Valentine's Day cutting room floor.
They're inappropriate, occasionally vulgar and goddamn hilarious.
So here are some highlights of rejected candy heart sayings that will certainly get you in... some kind of Valentine's Day spirit:
There's nothing more romantic than being at least 100 yards away.
Honesty is important, guys.
Um... you should probably see a doctor about that.
Some people just like to get straight to the point.
Would this even fit on a candy heart, though?
Anyone know where the closest clinic is?
This would be the best Valentine's Day gift... possibly ever.
You know what they say about big hands, right? Big ass gloves.
OK, well... everyone beware of this guy's candy hearts.
Hugs and kisses just make everything better.
I would be #blessed to receive any of these messages in a candy heart box.
If you want to get really crazy, though, I'd prefer a chocolate heart made out of Snickers. I won't get my hopes up though.