I don't know about you, but I have dated several undesirable people in my life that made my friends wonder, what the hell are you doing? And even when my girls would confront me about my bizarre relationship choices, I usually wouldn't do anything about it. It can be easy to spot the red flags you're dating a loser, but for some reason, it can be hard to leave when you see them or if they're pointed out to you. It's like, "I know, Rachel. He only takes me to Jack in the Box for every meal. It's fine. I've learned to love the Monster Tacos!"
For some reason, this is especially true today, when it's difficult to even distinguish what dating is or define what kind of behavior is acceptable and what is not. If we aren't "exclusive" yet, is it OK if they are still on the dating apps? Is it fine if my partner goes out with their friends, like, every night? Why do they still like thirst traps of other people on Instagram?
Dating boundaries can drive you crazy if you don't know what you stand for. So here are some red flags that indicate the person you're dating is a loser, and it is time to GTFO. ASAP. OK?
1. Your Friends See Them On Dating Apps
It's always tricky when you see someone your friend is dating still on a dating app. Of course, maybe they're not exclusive yet. But do they have an arrangement? Do you tell your friend? Is it even your place to get involved? The messenger always ends up being shot anyway.
If the person you're seeing is actively trolling for other options online, then most likely, they are not a great option for you, and it's one of the red flags you're dating a loser. If a guy I'm hitting it off with on Bumble ends up seriously updating his profile while we're talking, even that's a huge turn-off for me. Call me an old-fashioned gal, but I like it when the people I like only like me back also.
A significant other who is still on dating apps is not an SO who is looking to settle down. Red flag alert: Move on.
2. They Follow All Your Hottest Friends On Social Media
Hi, person I'm dating, why are you following all my hottest friends on Instagram whom you have never even met, when you won't even follow back?
Someone who is getting chummy with all of your friends and inserting themselves into your core social network might just be looking for a place to fit in, and not a future or a committed relationship with you. Are they new to town and just trying to get their footing? Are they a party promoter attempting to collect a roster of hot people to call? Unless you're serious, what do they need to be checking out your friends for anyway?
None of that sounds great to me. Loser alert.
3. Their Car And Their Living Space Are A Mess
A messy man (or woman) usually has a messy mind and a messy heart. Take it from me. I am messy. My car is filled with half-used water bottles. I moved into my new apartment several months ago and still haven't unpacked. And my heart — it's a mess.
When someone is emotionally mature and ready for a healthy, adult relationship, they treat their living space the same way that they would a significant other. They respect their things. They do the dishes after they eat. Laundry is done with frequency. They actually wash their bed sheets every once in a while. A partner who is ready for a relationship has their life prepared to bring someone else into it, without having to navigate a labyrinth of dirty clothing, empty toilet paper rolls, and leftover pizza boxes first.
If your crush keeps a filthy personal space, then that is a red flag. Teach them to clean, hire someone to pick up every once in a while, or end the relationship ASAP. Because I promise you, exterior spaces reflect interior feelings.
4. They Are A Party Animal
Ah, the party animal who always wants to go to the club with their friends and get bottle service! Oh, yeah, that is a fun person to date — not. Unless you are 21 years old or a college freshman, this should not be an alluring lifestyle to live if your priorities are headed in the right direction.
I cannot think of anything worse than waking up at the house of the guy I am dating and being surrounded by sleeping strangers and empty beer bottles. Even thinking about it gives me a massive panic attack. I do not want that to be my safe space.
If your partner is still in party animal phase, then it is time to move on and GTFO.
5. They Only Talk To You In Memes
If a person is solely communicating to you in emojis and memes, then this is not a person who has the emotional maturity to be in a relationship with you. A crush who communicates to you exclusively in memes reminds me of the person who calls you "baby" because they are dating so many people at the same time, they can't remember which person you are, and don't want to risk making a mistake. It shows a dangerous lack of intimacy and is a major red flag signaling someone who does not desire emotional intimacy or vulnerability.
If you're looking for the real deal, then the person who is constantly sending you memes is not the person for you. That person is fun to talk to, and they are a good distraction, but will they take care of you when you're sick? Help you out of a serious life crisis? Probably not, unless there is an emoji or a meme for that.
6. They Mooch Off You
Once, I was dating a guy who started to rent out his own apartment on Airbnb and subsequently moved himself into mine — without asking. Insane, right? It was probably more insane that I let him do this (he was a love bomber), but I was so blinded by affection and excited to "move in" with someone I cared about, I didn't realize I was actually just being used and taken advantage of.
Is that person you're dating suddenly starting to borrow a lot of money? Staying over at your house a lot without asking? Moving clothing into your apartment, or asking you to buy them clothes because they really need them? You might be dating an opportunist, not someone who is looking for an opportunity at a future with you. GTFO.
7. They Won't Commit (And You Shouldn't Want Them To)
People who are bad for you love not committing to you, even though you shouldn't want them to anyway. It's actually a blessing in disguise. Rejection is protection, and when someone with deal breakers up the wazoo doesn't want to settle down with you, you should pray to the Goddess of Dating for helping you dodge a bullet that you might not have dodged yourself.
It's actually easy: When someone likes you, they want to talk to you. They want to see you. They make plans. Eventually, they want to make plans with only you, and finally, they want to settle down. If the person you're seeing is doing little to none of those things, then it's time to stop wasting your time.
Do you recognize any of these qualities in the person you are dating? If so, then sorry, you are dating a loser, and it is time to GTFO. I love you, and you deserve better. Somebody had to tell you.
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