There it is: That little black hole your SO keeps on him or her at all times.
It's one single device that provides so many different worlds at one's fingertips: friends, Instagram models, old flames lingering in some "friends" list on Facebook or maybe even some dating sites you might not know about.
Who knows? But in a relationship, there comes a time when we, as humans, can't help but wonder what's in there.
The answer is simple: None of your damn business.
1. Trust your SO.
Yes, you've heard it a million times. But I'll say it again: TRUST.
Why are you with this person? Because he or she fills your lonely nights? Free food? We've all done that, so I don't judge.
Or do you legitimately see a marked checklist and a promising future? Maybe this person is your Mr. or Mrs. Right now.
If that's the case, why do you want to dig in that phone anyway? You know this won't last.
Live it up and take it for what it is. So when you're through, move along. There is no need to add stress to the situation.
But if you see something, you must have trust. There is no better feeling than dating someone you trust, or someone you consider a friend.
The only way you will learn how is by allowing the person's actions to speak for him or her. Let things happen organically.
Maybe he or she got a text at 3 am. Allow your SO to complain about it without a nagging "Who's that?"
Not only will you feel better when it comes from SO, but your SO will also feel better knowing you trust him or her. Plus, the more trust you give, the more you will receive in return.
2. Building for the future means not tearing up the present.
Like I said previously, do you see yourself with this person for years to come? Yes? Then why ruin the present when you're trying to build for the future?
Relationships, like houses, need good foundation: trust, respect and communication.
Once you tear down one of these key pillars, the rest also comes crumbling down. We live in an era where people are jaded by the amount of likes on a selfie or how many people viewed a story.
At the end of the day, none of that even matters. If you've managed to find someone you love in this hopeless era, don't let your foundation come crumbling down.
Build strongly and smartly, and allow your SO to love you without losing your autonomy. He or she might surprise you.
3. There's no turning back.
We've all done looked through an SO's phone before. Maybe it happened some time in a past, crappy relationship. We were probably young and dumb.
Maybe the person was acting shifty, and the stories didn't add up. Maybe he or she had been receiving too many texts at irregular times.
But no matter how many "maybes" you can come up with, one thing is for sure: Once you go through that phone, there is NO TURNING BACK.
You've crossed a line. You've violated your SO's trust.
Whether you found what you were looking for or not, you're screwed. You are guilty of trespassing, and now, you must face judgment from your SO.
What will your SO think? Will he or she do the same in return? Will he or she leave?
There are so many things that could happen once you cross that line.
And honestly, if you did it once, you'll do it again.
4. If all else fails, just ask.
There is no such thing as a stupid question... Unless you ask me if I want more Nutella, 'cause that's always a yes.
If your SO isn't really open with his or her phone and you feel like something is off, just ASK. Sit him or her down and ask in person.
Watch the reaction. Is it defensive? Is he or she just completely lost, and had no idea you felt this way?
People usually give themselves away with their reactions. If you ask in a respectable manner and like an adult, you'll find out the truth. You'll just know, no matter whether it's through words or actions.
So, the major lesson is this: Don't look through your SO's stuff. If you've been hurt in the past, don't drag it into your future.
If your SO's being weird, ask what's up. Use your words, and I don't mean via text message.
Handle your business like an adult. Do it in person, with respect and with an open mind.
