We get suspicious, we want to keep tabs on our significant others and most of all, we want the right to invade our partners' privacy by going through their phone.
Talk about a slippery slope.
With everything being so accessible these days — information being readily available with a few quick scrolls — it's not that far of a jump to assume we are allowed to ask our partners to see what's happening on their phones.
Yeah, not so much.
Hear me out, my friends.
Aziz Ansari wrote a book called "Modern Romance" in which he dives into different aspects of today's dating world and shows how it's different from before, what we accept now, etc.
He raises a fair point. We are now so engrossed in our technology that we have two lives: our regular life and our phone life.
In our phone life, we are free to say and do whatever we want, sometimes doing what we wouldn't have the confidence to say or do face-to-face or while chatting on the phone.
We can be whatever version of ourselves we want to be, and we also can have conversations we otherwise would find difficult.
It's created both confidence and cowardice. We can be bold, but we can also ghost people like there's no tomorrow.
We also have a myriad of apps at our disposal that can have us hanging out with our significant others while looking for a hookup later. These apps can be hidden in folders and your partner could be none the wiser.
Of course, all of this information is going to make some people nervous about what their partner is doing.
“They've been on their phone texting awhile. Is it someone else?”
This sort of insecurity that cheating culture, dating apps and the “but there are so many options out there for me” mentality incites has plenty of people — both men and women — reaching for the phones when their significant other isn't looking.
This. Is. Not. Healthy.
When you make the decision to invade your partner's privacy, you're making it known you simply don't trust him or her.
You may be asking yourself, “How so, Megan?”
Trust is one of the most important aspects of any relationship. If you don't have it as part of the foundation, the whole thing is going to wobble and crack.
Feeling like you need to check your SO's phone to make sure he or she doesn't do anything untoward simply means there's a lack of trust on your part, and that's not OK.
We believe we're entitled to know everything our partner says and does, that we have the right to know all of his or her passwords and should be allowed to check anything we want periodically.
We're not our SO's parents, we're partners. Some of the stuff he or she says to friends isn't our business.
The implications of either asking to go through your significant other's phone or being sketchy and doing it behind your partner's back are red flags. You're opening up the floodgates for distrust, suspicion and constant fighting.
If you think your partner is doing something you don't like, just go straight to the source and ask him or her directly. Waiting until he or she is in the shower or in the kitchen to snoop through stuff is going to backfire spectacularly and will shift the conversation from constructive to destructive pretty quickly.
If you are constantly suspicious regardless of assurances that nothing is going on, then maybe you should reconsider the relationship as a whole.
Invading someone else's privacy because of insecurity or what you see on TV or hear from your friends — or whatever it is that has you diving for the phone — is not OK.
Open up the lines of communication and always make sure there is ironclad trust between you and the person you're choosing to be with.