Here’s how to tell if they’re a keeper.
When searching for that special someone, it’s always good to have an image of what he should be like. See, I didn’t start out by coaching women in their love lives, I started out with men. It’s funny when I think about it because what women want from a man is what I was trying to teach them all along. Instead of making a pros and cons list, start out by making a list of characteristics or qualities of a good man that you'd like to have in your next partner.
In reality, looking for a guy that has these qualities is not as farfetched as most men without these qualities say/believe. It's definitely attainable, as long as you have a baseline of what to look for and what to avoid. But, if you want to have a higher chance of finding love, identify the ones that matter the most to you and stick with them. In my personal opinion, all men should have these qualities and I don’t associate nor do I respect the ones that lack them. Even though this story is about dating men, this can be a great quality list for dating any gender identity, so read on to discover the eight qualities all great people will have.
Quality #1: He Is A Gentleman
A great guy needs to be polite, respectful, considerate and attentive to a woman’s needs. This also includes the classic gentleman behavior such as pulling a woman’s chair, walking on the car side of the street, taking her coat, etc. It definitely means he understands the importance of consent and is willing to have open and honest conversations about your relationship.
“Many heterosexual women ask for men who are gentleman, and while a bit of traditionalism is refreshing for even the most independent women, what they really mean is that they want a guy who takes initiative, follows through, and is a direct communicator,” Erika Kaplan, VP of membership at the Three Day Rule, a matchmaking company, tells Elite Daily. “Today, being a gentleman means being reliable and respectful: two qualities that are absolutely crucial in dating and relationships,” she adds.
I personally believe that if all men were gentlemen, we would live in a better world. Today, things are not like that, making the guys that have this quality stand out. Also, great guys never cross the line of being inappropriate.
Quality #2: He Is Direct
“The most challenging relationships to navigate are those where the communication is simply not there,” says Kaplan. “If your partner is respectfully and clearly telling you how he feels or what he needs, he's being direct.”
Many men believe that if they constantly have this “whatever” attitude, women will suddenly fall in love with them. This is complete bogus, would you like to spend time with a guy that dodges direct questions and moves his shoulders instead of giving an answer? “There is a time and a place for directness though,” adds Kaplan. “If the directness is not constructive or kind, it could be a red flag. Look for direct communication from your partner that seems to come from a place of collaboration and partnership rather than confrontation.”
A great guy should look straight into your eyes when he is talking to you; he needs to look and seem genuinely interested in what you have to say.
Quality #3: He Is Faithful
Faithfulness may be one of the most important characteristics when it comes to great men. Although you can never know for sure if this is the case or not, if you know he’s been a cheater, it’s best to stay away from him.
“Being faithful, rather than being a quality they look for over other things, is a quality singles look for in collaboration with other things,” explains Kaplan. In other words, fidelity isn’t enough to make a relationship shine — other positive traits need to be present, too.
Quality #4: He Has Integrity
Having integrity is another very important characteristic that makes a great man. This means he will stay true to his word and true to himself. “Someone with integrity is going to be there for you, will follow through on the things that they say they will do and will bring a sense of openness and vulnerability to your relationship,” explains Laura Bilotta, founder of the site Single In the City, and a professional matchmaker. “This is the kind of person that you can count on and build a future with.”
If he tells you that he is going to do something, he will do it. This is also the kind of guy you can rely on, knowing that he will always be there for you. Men with integrity are highly respected and in return they give respect to others. They may require you to be worthy of their respect before they offer it to you because of their high moral compass, they want others to share their values. Also, these men often show courage because they are required to stand up for their beliefs at all times.
Quality #5: He Is Honest
Honesty is a great quality every single person should have but it’s often not that easy to find and goes hand in hand with integrity. “My clients often ask for a man who is reliable, stable and follows through,” says Kaplan. “When judging a man's integrity, it's also important to do a gut check; do you feel safe with this person? Does he make you feel taken care of, and do you believe him to be honest and reliable?”
A real honest man will tell you the truth and not just what you want to hear. An honest man will not use sleazy stories to get away from things or to look good, but he will tell you what he will do and how he feels about something. It’s true that brutal honesty can be offensive sometimes but it’s better to have a guy that tells you the truth than one that fills you with lies.
It’s easy to tell if a guy is honest. If he lies to you, say two or three times, it’s very evident that he isn’t. It doesn’t matter what the actual lies are (it can be very small things) as it tells you everything you need to know about his character. A honest man will be genuine and you won’t need to guess about what he is thinking or feeling. Honesty is a great quality for a good man to have.
Quality #6: He Is Mature
Being mature means a man is able to care of himself and he approaches problems in a calm and collected manner. He understands the importance of being a man, being independent and he values what he has. A mature guy doesn’t have to be rich, but needs to know how to handle his money. It’s true that men mature later in life, but I’m sure you had at least one “childish” guy that even though he’s past his 30s still thinks he’s in high school. A mature man knows the time has come to grow up and be an adult.
Here are a few red flags to look for that might indicate that your partner is immature, according to Bilotta:
- He doesn’t pick up after himself.
- He’s recklessly impulsive.
- He brags about what he has and his accomplishments.
- He drives recklessly.
- He’s selfish in bed and doesn’t take care of your needs.
- He avoids having serious conversations.
- He puts all the blame on you when something goes wrong.
- He won’t own up to his mistakes.
It’s easy to tell if a guy is mature by the way he lives his life. Also, a mature man will be able to carry himself in a public setting in a respectable manner and understands his adult role. A good man must be mature enough to care for himself and take care of all of his needs on his own.
Quality #7: He Is Self-Confident
A good man will be confident in himself and who he is. This is an important characteristic in a good man because when they are self-confident, they are less likely to change who they are and more likely to stay true to themselves. A man with self-confidence will not be deterred from what he believes to be true and will not be easily pressured into doing things that he does not believe in.
“Self-confidence is always a positive thing to find in a potential partner for a few reasons,” explains Bilotta. “Self-confidence means that this person will be more open about letting you in and truly allowing you to get to know them; everything feels more organic and flows better when they are comfortable in who they are.”
You will know if a man has self-confidence by how he sees himself because he will have a distinctive set of goals that he has set for himself. He will believe that he is worthy of good things and he will set out to find them. This self-confidence will show through because he will not second-guess himself and when he makes decisions, he will be more likely to stick to the decision that he made.
“If you’re both confident in who you are, it also means that it will be easier to maintain your individuality and your own sense of self, something that so many people lose when getting into a new relationship if they don’t maintain it,” says Bilotta. “ A lack of self-confidence can lead to feelings of insecurity and doubt which can make it difficult to build trust.”
Self-confident men are good to be around because they're strong and protective and are able to take care of not just themselves, but those around them.
Quality #8: He Has a Positive Attitude
A good man should have a positive attitude, which may be difficult to find since we live in such a negative society. With a positive attitude, people will want to be around him and to have fun around him. A good man will be happy with his life and the world around him and he will want to look out for others and to help them. Positive people are usually quite different from negative people and they tend to smile and to laugh more.
You will know if a man has a positive attitude by how he carries himself. He will be upbeat and look for the good in things and people. A negative person will always be complaining and seeing the bad side to everything and after a while they can be very hard to be around and they tend to turn you into a negative person.
“A positive attitude sets the tone for the relationship and helps to keep a positive atmosphere around things as they develop,” says Bilotta. “When someone is free-thinking and open-minded, it enables them to be forthright in expressing feelings, thoughts, dreams and desires, which allows you to truly know them.” More so, a positive attitude can be a great indication that they’re interested in their own personal development, says Bilotta, which can contribute to the overall health of the relationship.
Remember, you don’t have to look for a man that has all of these qualities (although that would be ideal). But, stick to the ones that are most important to you and you’ll find Mr. Right sooner than you think.
Erika Kaplan is the VP of membership at the Three Day Rule, a matchmaking company.
Laura Bilotta, founder of Single In the City, and a professional matchmaker.
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