Why Couples Who Don't Follow A Relationship Timeline Are The Happiest And Strongest
What if I told you every rule you've ever learned about following relationship guidelines to eternal happiness was a lie and a manmade manifestation of personal insecurities accumulated over hundreds of years, designed to make sense of the most abstract concept of all: love?
Would that be, like, helpful?
Everywhere you look today — the internet, magazines, television, movies — young people are bombarded with a never-ending list of rules that, if followed correctly, promise to lead them to the Holy Grail of relationship happiness.
For example, you've probably heard "don't sleep with someone until the third date," "wait this long to say 'I love you'" and "ONLY introduce them to your parents if you know they're the one."
To all of that I say, go fuck yourself, please and thank you.
There is no such thing as a right or wrong way to be in a relationship, and there definitely isn't an ideal relationship timeline to follow that will unveil a map to the perfect happily ever after.
Couples who don't follow a timeline are happier because they prioritize doing what makes them happy first, and conform to society's outline second. They move at a pace that works for them and supports their unique relationship. This will ultimately lead to a more honest, organic and genuine partnership.
Couples who don't follow a timeline are happier because they prioritize doing what makes them happy first, and conform to society's outline second. They move at a pace that works for them and supports their unique relationship. This will ultimately lead to a more honest, organic and genuine partnership.
Here's where I may lose you: My boyfriend and I moved in together after dating for six months. I know. That makes me, like, oh-my-god-totally-crazy, right?
If I listened to every "10 Ways To Surely Ruin Your Relationship" or "The Number One Thing You SHOULDN'T DO With A New Boyfriend" article I've read, I could almost guarantee sharing an apartment so soon was going to be the silver bullet for us.
In fact, I did the whole move with my fingers crossed, thinking, "This probably isn't going to work out. Everyone everywhere is telling me this shouldn't work out. What a mistake I'm making."
But guess what? It worked out.
We are freaking happy and have been living together for the past three years.
Contrastingly, I had a friend move in with her boyfriend after dating and living separately for a respectable three years, only to find out he didn't want to stay in their relationship in the first place.
Essentially, the fact that they "waited it out" had nothing to do with the foundation of their relationship, which was their feelings for one another. Plus, it only prolonged them calling things off and moving on to happier relationships anyway.
The point I'm trying to bring home is, love is not a one size fits all — not even close — and by adhering to societal standards, you are probably only complicating things for yourself and fogging up your true emotions.
By adhering to societal standards, you are probably only complicating things for yourself.
Are you ready to call it love? Then, GO for it, baby! Are you still unsure? Then, do not rush it.
Stifling or magnifying honest feelings is only going to make for a dishonest relationship. You'll ultimately be playing a character you think fits the standard of "someone people would want to date" than being who you really are.
Likewise, going against your true feelings is probably going to cause tension, anxiety and insecurities, when really, you already know what you want out of this relationship.
When each person is vocal about where they stand in a relationship, there is less room for miscommunication, hasty decisions or one person feeling pressured into something they aren't ready for or waiting around for something they really want.
Another reason to follow your own internal clock is because it will lead you to other people who are going at the same speed as you are, which only leads you to a stronger, more compatible companion.
You see?! It's all a big game of follow your heart!
It's totally fine to be a 22-year-old-wife and mother, and it's also totally fine to be a 45-year-old casually hooking up with a co-worker — if that's what you want to do!
The number one rule (JK, DIDN'T I SAY THERE AREN'T ANY DATING RULES?) is to move as quickly as your feelings for one another are moving. And before you make any other big life changes, just make sure you're in a responsible enough position to go for it.
Moral of the story is, don't be an idiot and follow your heart. It's the only thing that knows where it's going!
