Why We Crave Honesty From The People Who Perform The Disappearing Act
A person's ability to randomly disappear from our lives without a word is an act that's become far too familiar for perpetual daters.
These so-called magicians come into our lives and vanish without a courtesy call or a hint that your little "relationship" is over.
I hear countless friends tell their stories only to end with "...And I never heard from them to this day."
We've come to accept this behavior as normal, which is truly a depressing thought.
We also come to learn that we'll date more of these magicians, rather than actual adults who feel there is value in the truth.
It's safe to say we've all dated these ghosts, and it leaves us wondering the same infuriating question: What the f*ck just happened?
Everything went along swimmingly. You guys met and there was an instant connection (even more so if your initial interactions were sober). He asked you out and you gladly obliged.
He doesn't seem like a shady assh*le, you tell yourself (mistake number one).
He seemed honest and open. He'd tell me if it wasn't working out, right? Wrong, wrong, oh so wrong.
You two date for months until one day, you send a simple, innocent text asking how his day is going and get no response. Ever.
It's as if he magically disappeared into thin air.
The act of "ghost-dating" is insulting to our intelligence as smart, single people of the world.
Like Chipotle when you're hungover, we crave honesty above anything else when we date.
I consider myself an honest person, and I tell it like it is. I can't help it, I'm a Leo.I don't like to sugarcoat when it comes to someone's feelings.
If it isn't working or you're just a creep, I'll tell you and break it off with an honest explanation.
I wish more of us would be honest when toying with someone's feelings, and here's why:
Honesty: Always The Best Policy.
Telling the truth sounds like such a simple concept, doesn't it? Well, honesty can be a real b*tch to hear and even harder to tell.
It's not always the easiest conversation to have, but occasionally, it needs to be done.
To those magicians who perform the disappearing act, please give us your honest feelings about what's going on. It's not the honesty that makes us "crazy," it's the mind games and "what-ifs" you seem to play.
Contrary to what you're thinking, I'm not just referring to the male gender. The ladies are notorious for ghost-dating, too. It's something that would benefit us all as we try to navigate through the dating world; it's hard enough out there for a single 20-something.
Maybe you are the magician. You date, mate and then disappear. That's all you wanted from this person. If that's where your intentions lie, tell the other person, I beg you.
"Listen, I'm just not into it. Good luck with everything." That wasn't so bad, was it?
Not only do you come off as a mature-ish adult, but you don't leave the other person walking around with a question mark over his or her head.
Is it finished? Are we not finished? Did she go to a remote place in the world where they don't have phones? The line of questioning starts and thus begins the journey to crazy town.
That question mark is hostile. It tends to follow you like a dementor. Nobody wants to live with that.
Lets Us Stay Emotionally Unavailable.
We obviously have intentions of our own, whatever those may be.
If you're honest with us, we can keep our hearts protected. Instead of investing time in something we know will never work out, we can either choose to end it or focus on the here and now. Protection is always a good thing — in bed and in life.
If you're here for a f*ck buddy, say so. If you're in this to find a bocce ball partner, shoot me a heads up.
Keeping someone in the loop is not only courteous, but makes you a decent human being.
Whatever the relationship may be, if we know where your head is, we can play the game along with you.
Try to deny all you want, but Gen-Y has become masters at playing the dating game.
We won't start fantasizing about the white picket fence and picking out our kids' names.
We know exactly what the situation is and can then have fun along the way instead of wondering where this is going.
It's amazing how much better your relationship can be when you have a three-way with honesty.
Telling the truth isn't always easy, but keeps our hearts from wandering to a place that's off-limits.
Gives Us Some Type Of Closure.
Just like in a movie, you need an ending. If you went to see a movie and halfway through the plot, the screen went blank, how pissed would you be?
If it's during "Twilight," maybe not that upset, but for a normal film, you'd probably get pretty heated.
The same goes for you two as a "couple." I use the term "couple" loosely here, as trying to define any type of relationship in our generation is nearly impossible.
After the disappearing act, we start to question things. Was it the pimple? Did his ex return and sweep him away? Did he get abducted by aliens?
Respect the person enough to finish it, even if it's through a text (major points for an actual phone call).
After knowing this, we can simply continue with our lives, back to "Boardwalk Empire" and Pinterest recipes.
As rom-com-esque as it sounds, some people need closure in order to move on.
When something feels unfinished, we tend to pick at it and try to change the question mark to a period. With honesty, "We're over?" becomes "We're over."
The question mark disappears, and what a lovely feeling that is.
We all know that being honest in any type of a relationship is crucial, why not start making a habit of that now?