This Is The Only Real Way To Get Over Your Breakup

by Candice Jalili
Good Vibrations Images

All right, it's time to get real.

People are always talking about how to get over someone. And they always have their own theories:

“The only way to get over someone is to get under someone.”

“You need to hate him before you can move on.”

“You need to forgive him before you move on.”

“You need to erase every trace of him from your life.”

“You need to find a way to stay friends with him.”

So here's the deal. You can do all of these things or you can do none of these things, and I'm here to tell you that NOTHING will allow you to move on from this person if you don't do this one simple thing: You need to fall totally, deeply, madly in love with yourself.

You need to take a minute to stop focusing on how HE is feeling and what HE is thinking and how you are going to deal with HIM to start focusing on YOU. The show that's on right now is your life and it's starring — you guessed it — YOU. So start paying attention to who really matters here.

I don't mean to be bossy here, but the thing is I've been there. Sure, I've never really been in a serious relationship before, but that doesn't change the fact that I've had real feelings for people who played very real roles in my life. And eventually, there came a time when I realized I needed to build a bridge and get over it. I needed to get over the very real person for whom I had spent the past few weeks or months or years of my life developing very real feelings.

But we all know too well that “building a bridge and getting over it” is much easier said than done.

I always just wished there was someone who told me what to do. I wanted a bossy person to give me a no-nonsense way to get over this sh*t FOR SURE. That person never came along, so I eventually had to become that person for myself. And now I'm here to be that person for you.

The first thing you have to accept is that you are going to be sad. I obviously don't know your situation. It could be your fault, it could be his fault, it could be neither of your faults, and it could just be really f*cking horrible circumstances. But either way, it's over. It's done. It's time to accept that fact and move forward.

You are going to be sad, and that's OK. Accept the sadness and the gaping hole in your heart that is that person's absence in your life, and be happy you're no longer forcing a relationship that, for one reason or another, was not working.

Now here's the good part. Here's the part where you really get over him, and his absence starts feeling less like a gaping hole in your heart and more like a bittersweet afterthought. You have to remember who you were BEFORE this person came into your life. Remember that you had a complete heart before this person found his way into it, and remember most of all that this dipsh*t was lucky enough to SCORE you. And now he lost you, and that's his loss. If he's smart enough to realize it, he'll come crawling back eventually, and if not, BYE TO HIM.

But that's all it really comes down to. Either you loved yourself before you met him and you need to figure out a way to find that person who still exists inside of you (I promise you, she's there somewhere), or maybe you didn't. Maybe you felt unloved, and he made you feel loved for the very first time. Either way, it's time to figure out how to love yourself.

Easier said than done, I know. But just try. Spend time with your friends who will remind you just how BALLER you are even if you've temporarily forgotten. Pat yourself on the back when you do something awesome at work. Laugh at the funny jokes you make. Take a minute to check yourself out when you're looking extra fly. Stop obsessing over him and obsess over yourself instead.

I promise once you've done that, once you've really TRULY fallen for yourself, where you go from there will be irrelevant. Get with a random guy, fall in love with someone new, forgive him, forget him, hate him. Do whatever you want. Just remember that no matter what happens, you'll always have YOU. And you'll be just fine.