How To Get Out Of The 'Talking Stage' With Your Crush
Meeting someone that you're attracted to is always exciting. Novelty, in general, is exciting. And when novelty brings about the possibility of romance, we get especially excited.
The problem, however, is that not all of us are especially good at letting the person we fancy know that we're interested.
It's completely normal to be nervous about how to get your crush to like you. In fact, if you're not nervous about that, then you probably don't have the right chemistry to begin with. So if your hands are clammy and your stomach is in knots, take that as a good sign.
In general, crushes are interesting -- the concept of a crush, I mean. I feel like the older you get, the less likely you are to have crushes. Then again, as someone who works remotely, I don't have the same work experiences most people do. You guys have work crushes, right? I think that's a thing. They seem to happen in shows and movies.
Or maybe you're crushing on that barista at your local coffee shop. Or on the server at your favorite restaurant. Or on your favorite server at a restaurant you don't especially like, but you go there just to see him or her. The relationship that you two have is one that most people only remember experiencing during adolescence.
The older you get, the more your dating habits -- if you can call them that -- change. Sure, some people date, but most (in my experience) do it for the sex. Which is why I find the idea of having a crush so fascinating. When you're crushing, your goal isn't to rip the other person's clothes off. To be sure, the idea has certainly crossed your mind.
When you have a crush on someone, you are basing your interest on romance. This is incredibly interesting, because at such an early stage, you really don't know the person. You feel like you two have a connection -- like you were meant for each other. Only romantics crush, and when we crush, we tend to let our imaginations run wild -- well past the line that separates reality and fantasy.
This is why crushes come and go so often -- they aren't based on something that is real; not yet, anyhow. However, what it does do is set the stage for a potentially beautiful relationship. Which is why I believe having crushes is actually good for the soul.
The problem, as I mentioned, is that people who have crushes usually don't have it in them to make a move. We crush from a distance.
But if you want crushing to turn into loving, something needs to be done. You can't hope that something happens on its own, because it won't. Life doesn't work that way. So how do you get out of the dreaded talking stage? You know, that lover's purgatory that both comforts us and scares us? You grow a pair.
To get out of the talking stage, you have to let the person know that you're interested, no matter how scary that may be. The truth is, the feelings may not be reciprocated. This person may not share your feelings. But that doesn't matter; the fact is that you'll never know until you know.
Life really is too short to not make a move on opportunities. So ask this person out on a date. Don't beat around the bush; just do it. Worried about making a fool of yourself? Don't be. Making a fool out of yourself for someone will probably only increase your chances of making your way into their heart.
What's the worst that could happen? He or she turns you down? And then what? You think he or she will laugh behind your back? Tell everyone what a fool you are? Well, if that's the kind of person he or she is, then you are a fool for having been interested in the first place.
But that almost certainly won't happen. I have faith that you're not an idiot and that you can tell the difference between a good person and a rotten apple. If that's the case, then the worst that can happen is that you find out that your feelings aren't being reciprocated. Then you can decide whether or not you want to spend time trying to convince this person that you're worth loving (sometimes it is worth the trouble), or if you want to shift your focus onto the horizon and look out for someone else to love.
Whatever ends up happening, you make PROGRESS. You move through the natural stages of a relationship. And that's what you're after, isn't it? You don't always get what you want in life. Sometimes the thing or person you want most isn't an option. When that's the case, you need to look at your other options and keep moving. But in order to make any progress at all, you need to take a leap of faith and try your luck. If you don't, you'll only regret it. If you do, on the other hand, you may just win the lottery.