Is there anything more thrilling and terrifying than texting a new crush? Rollercoasters have nothing on this. Each message you send might go through several rounds of edits from your group chat. And then there’s the waiting — will you get a response within five minutes, five hours, or at all? Watching those three gray dots bubble up can make your heart pound like you’re running a marathon. You can pour all your energy into dissecting someone’s replies, but if you’re a woman who dates men, there’s only so much you can really know for sure. Without a guy’s perspective on texting, it can be tricky to determine how guys text when they like you, or if guys notice when you stop texting them.
Of course, no two people are the same, and it’s not fair to make generalizations about an entire gender. Some guys might admit to being bad texters who prefer phone calls or face-to-face conversations, while others may ping you at all hours of the day and night. But just to clear things up, radio silence from the guy you like is never cool. Everyone can do better than that.
“Texting is just a form of communication everyone anticipates [now,]” says Maria Avgitidis, CEO of matchmaking service Agape Match and host of the dating podcast Ask A Matchmaker. “It’s the standard. And I think if a guy really likes you and wants to see you, he’ll find any reason to text you.”
It’s true — just like anyone else, guys' texting habits change when they start to catch feelings. On Reddit, dudes opened up about how their communication style adjusts once they develop a crush. They revealed some pretty fascinating stuff.
Some Guys Text More Regularly With People They Like
Across the board, plenty of men are more attentive when they have feelings for someone. “I definitely try harder when it’s a girl I find interesting,” one Redditor said. “If it’s someone I’m not interested in, then I tend to not text back after a certain point. When I click with someone, though, it’s totally different. We can talk about anything and everything, and it can almost be annoying how often I get texts after a certain point, but I also love the constant flow of conversation, so it’s cool.”
Regardless of who texted last, some guys will ensure their name is always near the top of your inbox. “I keep the conversation going. If a conversation leads to a dead end, I’ll think of a new topic,” a second guy explained. And the big clue he likes someone? “I’ll actually ask them to hang out at some point.”
Even guys who aren’t normally big texters can change their habits when they develop a crush. “[When I like someone,] it tends to be the only time I check my phone for a reply,” one man shared. “I’ll start a conversation most days. I even check my phone after I leave work, though I know she’ll be asleep. I stop the car as soon as the 4G signal kicks in.”
If they really like someone, well, take this guy’s word for it: “After reading a text from a girl, I’m like, ‘Just play it cool, man, just take it easy. You don’t have to respond right away. Give it a half hour or something, man ... oh, f*ck it, just send that sh*t.’ But after reading a text from a friend, I’m like, ‘Next time I see him or her in person, I’ll say, Hey, remember that meme you sent me a couple weeks ago?’”
The frequency of their texts isn’t the only thing that changes. The content might get sweeter or steamier, too. “I’ll probably drop a few hints and flirt a bit,” another Redditor added.
But Some Guys Actually Text Less Regularly
Stage fright is a real thing, friends. “I’m less likely to text women I’m interested in randomly than I am with my [friends, where] it’s just like, ‘Look at/listen to this dumb sh*t you may or may not be interested in.’ With people I’m romantically interested in, there’s a lot more of a filter, like, ‘Am I sure this is something they’d like? Am I being bothersome? Is this the vibe I want to put out?” one guy shared.
Just like anyone else, dudes can be freaked out by the pressure of texting their crushes, too. “[If I’m] interested [my routine is]: text girl, immediately close phone and toss it across the room, where it remains until I gather up the courage to check it,” another Reddit user said.
Remember, flirting over text is fun, but face-to-face communication is still the most important thing. “Texts are little snacks that fill you up before the main meal: your dates. You want to build anticipation in between dates in the early phase, and you can't do that if you're constantly in touch over text, phone calls, or video calls,” Damona Hoffman, dating coach and host of The Dates & Mates Podcast, previously told Elite Daily.
So, even if it’s a bummer to not see your phone lighting up on a regular basis, it’s not always a bad sign. While there’s no foolproof way to tell the difference between an uninterested guy and a cautious guy, pay attention to the quality of their texts. Does it feel like they’re trying to put their best foot forward? That can reveal a lot about someone’s feelings.
Some Guys Keep Tabs On Who Sent The Last Text
Depending on a guy’s personality, they might have no problem blowing up your phone, or they might watch your responses to gauge your interest level. “I have a sort of etiquette where it should be back and forth — if I sent the last text, then I expect her to send the next text,” a guy explained. The lesson? If you really like someone, don’t play hard to get. “If I’m continually sending the last text, then having to send a follow-up to get a reply (especially if the last text had a question in it), then I take the hint. She’s clearly not interested in me.”
Double-texting isn’t the only factor some guys consider. “I tend to overthink or overanalyze messages and the conversation if I’m interested in her,” another Redditor said. So, if you scrutinize your incoming messages carefully, you’re absolutely not alone.
And If A Guy Isn’t That Interested, His Texts Will Reveal That, Too
Unfortunately, not everyone we like will always like us back. It’s just the tough truth about dating — it does not mean there’s anything undesirable about you. As my grandma used to say, there’s a lid for every pot, and your lid is somewhere out there.
Ghosting is the most obvious sign a guy doesn’t return your feelings. “If it’s someone I’m not interested in, then I tend to not text back after a certain point,” one Redditor said (ugh).
If a guy’s a little more subtle, he might stay in touch, but his texts won’t exactly sparkle. “A girl I am not interested will probably not get texted unless I need something, I’m feeling nostalgic about a memory, or she texts me first... [or she] will get the basic amount of communication required to convey my idea,” another guy added.
No matter what’s happening your inbox right now, keep in mind that there’s no ideal level of communication that will work for every budding relationship. Every person you meet is going to have different preferences, and since you two can’t read each other’s minds (at least not yet!), you won’t know how they like to stay in touch until you ask.
“One person may prefer daily check-in texts, while another feels loved and appreciated with a weekly phone call. Establishing expectations can be helpful upfront,” Diana Dorell, an intuitive dating coach and author of The Dating Mirror: Trust Again, Love Again, previously told Elite Daily. “No system is perfect, of course, but having that upfront discussion can save you a lot of time, energy, and heartache down the road.”
And if that discussion goes smoothly? Well, you can tell your group chat their text-editing services are no longer necessary.
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