The Real Reason Guys Automatically Assume All Girls Want A Relationship

by Ashley Grates

“He assumed I wanted a relationship when I didn’t.”

“I don’t get why he thinks I want to date him.”

“He said he didn’t want anything serious and stopped talking to me, but it wasn’t serious.”

Ah. This is something many women deal with.

As I sat in my friend’s sorority house, it seemed to be the theme of the conversation. Why is it that most guys automatically assume that every woman who talks to them, shows them the slightest bit of interest or hooks up with them wants to date them?

I’m sorry, but please calm your nerves. Not every woman wants a relationship.

Underline that, circle it, highlight it: Do whatever you need to do to remember it.

We’re caught in the midst of what is considered “hook-up culture,” which is a term any 20-something knows all too well.

We seem to have put aside the acts of formal dating, and we’ve moved on to the acts of constantly texting, Snapchatting and liking each other's Instagram photos.

Oh, and let's not forget the occasional FaceTime call. This is somehow seen as “talking.”

Although it is what it is, women seem to be left dazed and confused.

First, everything’s great: You’re texting a cute guy, hanging out with him at the bar when you go out on Thursday nights and spending your weekdays Snapchatting each other back and forth.

Then, suddenly, it stops.

This is where the term “ghosting” comes in.

You’ve been ghosted faster than the amount of time it takes for you to finish a bottle of wine.

But why? Everything was fine. You weren’t acting batsh*t crazy. You guys seemed to have a lot in common, and you were having fun.

Then, one day, you hear from his roommate's friend's teammate's friend -- who you’re good friends with -- that “he just didn’t want a relationship.”

Once again, you’re left feeling dazed and confused.

You think back to all the drunken Thursday nights, trying to remember if you ever mentioned wanting to date him.

You sit there, perplexed because you didn’t want a relationship either. You have enough sh*t to worry about right now.

A relationship is the last thing you’re going for.

So, why did this happen? You want to be forward and ask. But no: That’s not an option. That’s the problem with our society.

As college students (and 20-somethings of the world), we are left with the notion that all guys automatically assume every woman they hook up with wants to date them, get married and live happily ever after in suburbia with two kids and a golden retriever.

Cue the '90s laughing track. Who’s responsible for this?

Is it because naturally, women are looked at as being sluts for wanting to hook up with a guy without dating him, while guys are looked at as heroes for getting with as many women as possible?

Sure, there is a fair share of 20-somethings looking for someone to date or already in a happy relationship, but it’s not a "one size fits all" type of situation.

I guess it also goes along with the term "f*ckboy." 

Isn't that what most guys are these days?


Is it a pride thing?

Some usually take a woman’s kindness as more than her simply being friendly because guys are too self-absorbed to understand that the world does not revolve around them.

I’m sure this doesn’t go for every guy out there, but the douchebags of the world are extremely selfish human beings.

It’s all about them. So when they suddenly stand you up or assume you want a relationship, please keep in mind it’s not you, girlfriend.

It's 100 percent them.


Could it be because guys are mainly known to fear commitment?

I guess you could argue and say that since they fear commitment, anyone who shows them a slight bit of it is said to be clingy, needy and a psychopath.

The funniest part is, if you look at it from the woman's perspective, she was merely answering the guy who texted her first because she was slightly interested and trying to be nice.

Or is it because the guy's last relationship ended so badly, he walks on pins and needles, trying to stay away from any sign of a relationship?

Whatever the reason may be, girls feel as if they are to blame.

So maybe guys have pride issues, and are too self-absorbed to realize they’re not the only ones who want to live their lives or who fear commitment.

This is a question that may never be answered. What’s important to realize is the fact that guys leave women feeling confused.

So, to every girl out there who has ever experienced a situation like this, keep in mind you did nothing wrong.

That is, unless you’re a batsh*t crazy sociopath who tries to force guys to date you. Then, I’m sorry, but I can't help you.

Don’t think too much in these situations. Simply take them for what they are, and move forward.

While doing so, help yourself to a drink (or six) because this is life, and life is hard sometimes.