Some people find it easy to fall in love, others not so much. We tend to fall in love with people who meet a certain criteria in our mind.
This subconscious criterion is based on our past experiences, relationship with our parents or events that have happened in our lives. Based on each individual’s subconscious criterion, the reasons vary from person to person on why it’s so hard to fall in love.
Loving a person can be extremely difficult -- here’s why:
Fear of commitment
The most common and biggest reason why it’s so hard to fall in love is a fear of commitment. Labels can terrify some people, but for others, the uncertainty of where the relationship stands is also terrifying.
Modern dating has become so ambiguous and confusing. Some couples have commitment issues and never seem to want to accept the terms of being “official.” While some are reluctant to discuss labels, others are left with not knowing if that person is the right one.
Being “official” can suggest less freedom and less sexual variety. The hook-up culture is so prominent in society these days, it allows minimal time for commitment, minimal emotional attachment and more opportunities for physical pleasure.
Hence, some people have a fear of commitment since it requires attention and dedication. Love requires us to confront our own laziness, impulsiveness and boredom, which is hard for most people to do.
Fear of failed relationships
It’s become so common to see the people around us getting screwed over. It’s practically impossible to trust someone these days.
We've all heard stories from our friends, family and colleagues being related to some sort of cheating scandal. As a result, some have major trust issues, while others might feel burdened with insecurity from their partner.
Superficiality and shallowness
Some people are incredibly shallow, and it doesn't help to know that a lot of people care about appearances when looking for a partner. Hence, it can make a person proceed with extreme caution.
Walking out is easier
A relationship requires a lot of time and effort. Some people aren't necessarily willing to put in the effort and would rather break it off. With this being said, for some people, it’s easy to walk out because they know they have other options.
Process of recovery
After falling in love, you have to pick up the pieces from the heartbreak. We become guarded because our feelings have been hurt in the past.
We'd rather not leap into things because we know very well how helpless and awful heartbreak can feel. Giving another person the power to put you through the same pain is never easy.
Having high standards
As we grow older, we add more things to our list of what we look for. We understand what we want in personality qualities, physical attraction, values, interests, etc. This makes finding a partner tricky because each person has a certain score for his or herself to determine his or her own worth.
When we meet someone, we tend to point out the negative aspects we see and focus on those. It’s definitely good to maintain high standards because you want to be with someone who matches your worth, but sometimes, standards can become unattainable.
This will only result in constant disappointment.
It’s hard falling in love due to societal factors. Adulthood tends to be delayed, and now there are more people going to college and grad school and moving back in with their parents.
Starting a relationship requires time, effort and money. While some would rather focus on school, others would like to be financially stable before committing to a long-term relationship.
Quite frankly, a lot of people feel that they can afford to wait and rather concentrate on getting their careers off the ground.
Unknown definition of love
For some, love is a feeling of being in the moment much more than just being loved. For others, love requires a lot of personal growth.
Our culture has dismantled the definition of love through the exposure of Disney and Hollywood ideals. When someone doesn't meet the true love standards depicted in the movies, one can be weary of what it means to fall in love.
Very few couples lock eyes and just know that they've found “the one.” Keep in mind that love might not come as natural or as intensely as it does in the movies.
Not wanting to hurt others
On the other end of the spectrum, some find it hard to fall in love because they have never felt a deep connection with anyone. Dating someone who has gotten really attached to you could make a breakup messy, which makes you want to stay clear of relationships all together.
It’s hard not to hurt people, and it's even more difficult dealing with the guilt that comes with causing pain to others.