The female orgasm.
"It is such a beautiful thing," people say. "So elusive, so mysterious. It is such a bonus when a woman has one. It's so rare. So special." "It's not required during sex. It often comes in second to the male orgasm, and that's okay. It is the man whose orgasm is a prerequisite to coitus..." Okay, no. Stop. Not even close.
Look, I'd be lying if I said that the female orgasm wasn't harder to achieve than the male orgasm. But that doesn't mean it isn't f*cking necessary.
All women deserve to get their own. The female orgasm should be sought after -- like how Governor Ratcliffe sought after the Native Americans' gold in "Pocahontas." Only this time, the gold is real, because the gold is an orgasm, and that's REAL AF.
Every woman is physiologically able to achieve an orgasm -- it's a climax, not a riddle from the f*cking Sphinx -- so let's all stop pretending it's some mysterious thing.
To get there -- to relax and get in the goddamn mindset where we can come -- we need to know the facts. Cold. Hard. Facts.
Elite Daily sought the expertise of some of the most brilliant minds in the world about sex, pleasure and relationships to bring you a master class in the female orgasm.
So, pencils up, ladies and gentlemen (especially gentlemen), because class is in session. Welcome to Coming 101. Sit back, relax and learn more than you ever did in that twin-sized college dorm room bed on which you so awkwardly slammed.
Fact #1: Not all orgasms are going to blast you into another universe on the rocket ship of pleasure.
An orgasm is the release of sexual tension in the body. According to Lorrae Bradbury, sex expert and founder of the sex positive site Slutty Girl Problems, during orgasm, women have "contractions throughout the vagina that can ripple throughout the pelvis or entire body. The contractions start strong and get weaker as they release tension."
Orgasm comes in four stages: excitement, plateau, climax and recovery.
The side effects are heavy breathing, accelerated heart rate and that tantalizing, oh-so-glorious feeling of euphoria.
But not all orgasms are exactly the same. Unlike what we're told to believe by grossly misleading movies and media, not every single coming experience is going to be a mind-altering, earth-shattering, passing-out-because-it's-so-intense kind of orgasm.
Bradbury tells Elite Daily that the tip of the orgasmic experience may not feel much different than the plateau phase, "which is when all your sensations are heightened at max capacity: You're feeling tons of pleasure. Your vagina tightens and grips, and you feel really tense throughout your body."
As Erin Basler-Francis, M.Ed., content and brand manager at the Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health told ED:
The strength of orgasm is not dependent on gender, but rather on muscle tone, arousal and type of stimulation, among a myriad other factors.
Bradbury points out that orgasm is marked by the release of tension more than the increase in pleasure. While an orgasm can be that intense, volcanic eruption we're so used to hearing about, it can also be much less pronounced and defined.
Bradbury assures us that this is all perfectly normal. Orgasms come in all shapes and sizes:
Many people find that all the activity before orgasm is more pleasurable, and orgasm just feels like a contraction and release, then it's gone. That doesn't mean you're broken. It's normal.
Fact #2: Every woman's body is different, but every woman is capable of orgasm.
Basler-Francis tells us that orgasm is possible for every woman, physiologically. There are a variety of different factors that make it more difficult for some women than others.
According to Bradbury, it takes being in tune with your body and what pleases you in order to enter the right mindset to achieve climax:
The more you tune in to your sensations, follow your desires and explore what feels pleasurable to you, the closer you'll get to having those mind-blowing orgasms you crave.
Fact #3: Social factors and environment affect a woman's ability to come.
In general, the female orgasm is more dependent on context than the male orgasm is, so factors like your environment, state of mind and stress level can easily affect your ability to climax.
Basler-Francis cites social factors as reasons some women have trouble orgasming. Take masturbation, the crux of self-discovery and pleasure:
The messages people get about masturbation are incredibly f*cked up, and masturbating is arguably the best way to figure out orgasms.
Bradbury explains this further by pointing out the difference in men and women's cultural notions with regard to masturbation:
Men's masturbation and sexual activity is accepted and encouraged. Their orgasm is expected during sex, so they feel more comfortable advocating for their desires and pleasure.
She notes that a woman's pleasure is often seen as secondary to a man's. Basler-Francis says that the only way to get over these pressures is to communicate openly with your partner.
Fact #4: Penetration alone is very rarely going to produce a female orgasm.
No matter what guys think, sticking the D in and moving it about wildly is not going to make you come. In fact, Basler-Francis tells ED that 70 percent of women do NOT come from penetration alone.
It is completely normal to be unable to come when all your boyfriend does is hump you. You're not a freak. Relax.
She suggests trying other forms of stimulation -- like clit, anal or labia stimulus. As Basler-Francis puts it: "P in V is not the be-all-end-all of sexy time."
It's okay to ask your partner for more. You're not rude or overbearing. We all deserve to come. Don't allow yourself to be cut short just because the guy you're f*cking is lazy. It takes work. Sorry not sorry.
Fact #5: The clitoris is made of the same stuff as a penis.
The clit is homologous to the penis, meaning that it is made of the same materials. Knowing this fact makes it easier to understand how the clitoris -- NOT the vagina -- is the powerhouse of female sexual pleasure.
According to Basler-Francis: "The visible part of the clit is the corollary to the head of the penis. Before sexual differentiation happens in utero, that organ is EXACTLY the same."
Hence why you need clitoral stimulation to get off. It's just like a peen.
As Bradbury tells us:
So many women and men put an emphasis on penetrative sex, and women feel like they're broken if they're unable to orgasm from penetrative sex. The truth is, the vast majority of women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm.
And get this: The labia is exactly like a dude's ball sack!
Basler-Francis says that, just like the clit and peen, "the same goes for the labia majora and the scrotum. Same tissue, different shape."
Basler-Francis feels that knowing this is very beneficial:
The potential change I see in this arena is how people think about stimulating the clitoris. There are so many more options for how to engage the clit when you think of how one simulates a penis and then transfer over.
Fact #6: Foreplay is a "different strokes (literally) for different folks" type of a thing.
Foreplay is a very important component of sexual activity.
As Bradbury describes it:
I like to think of sexual pleasure as a tea kettle being heated on the stove. It needs some time, heat and attention to get warmed up. Then it starts boiling enough to make tea. In the same way, foreplay is very important to get warmed up, aroused, and ready to orgasm. It takes time, attention and finesse.
Like all things, some of us don't need or like it. It comes down to what you like.
The best thing you can do is TALK ABOUT IT with your partner and get a clear understanding of what he or she likes in all aspects of sex. Communication is the key to becoming a great lover.