Why You Shouldn't Change Yourself, You Should Change The Person You're With

by Jessica Wendroff

From my relationships with men, I've sadly come to find that some of their egos cannot handle being with an empowered woman.

Perhaps this is because the portrayal of women in the media has hardwired male brains to believe that women are inferior to them -- damsels in distress, if you will. And since they have been conditioned since youth to be our so-called "heroes," they expect us to be play our storybook role as well, and bow down to our supposed saviors.

Some men think that we women are -- or are at least supposed to be -- weak and submissive. I've had boyfriends get mad when they discover that I'm not made out of plastic. They got annoyed when I opened my mouth and didn't automatically bend like the Barbie doll they expected me to be.

When confronted with a girlfriend who actually has a mind of her own, many of these men don't know how to react, so they tend to run.

But just because a man runs doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. A guy leaving doesn't mean you should change yourself. You don’t need to file your tiger nails down just because your boyfriend is accustomed to kittens. Instead, you need to find a man who is equally intense and opinionated. In other words, you should seek your equal.

It was not until recently that I realized how accurate and important this quote is:

"Dear woman, Sometimes you'll just be too much woman. Too smart, too sexy, too strong. Too bold, too beautiful, too real. Too much of something that makes a man feel like less of a man, which will start making you feel like you have to be less of a woman to be with that man. One of the biggest mistakes you can make as a woman is removing jewels from your crown to make it easier for a man to carry. You do not need a smaller crown. You need a man with bigger hands." - Anonymous

You already wear a crown, so why not also try this advice on for size and be patient? Never lose sight of yourself in life, and never settle for a man with metaphorically small hands.

You don't need to change your values, opinions and personality; you just need someone who respects them.

Your values, opinions and personality are what make you you. Don't tone yourself down for someone else's delicate ears. Find someone who can handle your loud.

If you're silly, find someone who matches your level of wacky. In fact, go ahead and date Bugs-f*cking-Bunny as long as you're happy! But never trim down your yin to fit someone else's yang.

In addition, you shouldn't have to change your beliefs to fit someone else's. When it comes to opinions, your partner doesn't always have to agree with what you have to say, but he or she should at least hear you out.

Once, I had a discussion with an ex about porn and strip clubs. He said that women who get jealous over those things are crazy. I tried to explain to him how porn and strip clubs can easily make certain women feel insecure and jealous. But he completely ignored all of my points and dismissed them by changing the subject.

From this one instance, I should have known right away that this man was a waste of time. He didn't care about what I had to say or what I believed in. Thankfully, I've learned to wait for someone who cares about my thoughts -- someone willing to listen, even if he doesn't necessarily agree.

You don't need to change your dating protocol; you just need someone who will split the bill.

When going on dates, I like to split things evenly. However, if you absolutely INSIST on paying for my movie ticket or dinner, that's very sweet of you. Thank you. But please, PLEASE don't later accuse us women of "using" you for your money, if we in fact offered to go Dutch. Every time. And meant it. I've had this done to me a few times, and it wasn't fun.

If you’re going to be a gentleman, do something nice for the sake of it. Don’t do it so that you have ammunition when it comes time for a duel. You're not entitled to us, or our bodies, and you don't own us just because you bought us popcorn -- especially when we genuinely offered to pay for ourselves.

You don't need to change your body; you just need someone who appreciates your flaws.

Never, EVER let someone make you feel ugly. An ex once told me that my ass was "enough" and made me feel inadequate. Not everyone has Kim Kardashian's ass and tits, and you don't need them either.

You are beautiful the way you are. Accept yourself, and love yourself, and wait for the person who will do the same. After all, I'm sure you wouldn't pressure your man to come packing a porn star penis and a six-pack. So don't let him make you feel insecure for not living up to standards that are strictly fantasy to begin with.

You don't need to change your lifestyle; you just need someone who supports it.

Your career and dreams are the most important things you can ever have. No one can take them from you as long as you don't let them. So don't. Be with someone who helps push you forward -- not holds you back. If you like waking up early and your partner doesn't, you shouldn't have to sit in bed bored in silence waiting for him to wake up. You wake up early and you get your sh*t done.

You shouldn't adjust your habits for someone else. This is crucial. I've learned the hard way that when you start sacrificing your routine and goals on a grand scale, or even little by little, you wind up losing yourself. So keep doing what you do with a person who will cheer you on while you cross the finish line for every one of your life goals.