Whether or not you ever pictured yourself picking up potential partners on a dating app, it's kind of an inevitable part of the world we live in now. And, depending on who you ask, dating apps are either a stellar resource or a major source of stress. Between figuring out the right questions to ask on a dating app, navigating the unspoken rules about the frequency of messages, and crafting a profile that captures your personality, there’s a lot of thought that goes into a successful dating profile. If you find yourself overwhelmed by the prospect of coming up with dating app questions that will help break the ice, you’re not alone.
“It’s not uncommon for my clients to need help at the beginning of an online flirtation,” says Toronto-based dating expert and breakup coach Natalia Juarez. “We’ll look at a couple profiles that they really like in a session and brainstorm together all the things they could say to this person. Oftentimes my clients just need to talk things through, but then eventually they start self-coaching and it comes a lot more naturally. Once they just see how many possibilities there are for starting a conversation, they feel much better.”
When kicking off a conversation on a dating app, it can also be helpful to have a sense of what you don’t want to do. “Don't be boring,” Juarez cautions. “The ‘Hey, how are you’ and ‘How was your weekend’ opening lines? I can’t believe people are still doing that! It’s so lazy, and you’re making me do all the work!” Instead, Juarez says simply showing a bit of imagination will go a long way.
In the end, Juarez acknowledges that for many women, the idea of taking the reins of the conversation can be intimidating, especially because women have been socialized to cede control to men. If you struggle with this, Juarez has a solution. Instead of thinking of your opening line as an active pursuit of your match, she says to think of it more as a lure. “It’s a green light, an invitation. With your opening line, you’re saying ‘the door’s open.’ It’s like being at a restaurant, looking over, and smiling at someone. It’s just inviting.”