Dating apps tend to get a bad rap. You always hear the detailed horror stories about creepy guys sending unsolicited dick pics after one date, or messaging their matches over and over without receiving one response. But that doesn't mean you can't find a successful relationship on a dating app. Plenty of people have found what they were looking for online, whether that's a life partner or a friend who they also hook up with. Just like with single women, it's difficult to pinpoint what men are looking for on dating apps, because not every guy wants the same thing. It's not fair to assume what any one person is seeking unless you actually ask them — so I did.
From dudes who are looking for "the one," to those who just want to have a good time with someone interesting, what single men are looking for on dating apps depends on the specific man. To try and get inside their heads, I spoke to four single guys about why they really use dating apps. Their honest answers actually managed to surprise me. Here's what they each had to say on the subject.
This guy is open to anything, but doesn't expect to find a serious relationship.
I'm open to just about anything. It really depends on the other person. I don't have a lot of faith in finding a serious relationship ... so anything casual or someone to hang and drink with would be lovely. I don't have any expectations so unless they put sex on the table, it's not even in my head, and that takes a lot of pressure off.
— Kevin*, 22
This guy says what he wants can change depending on the person.
It's hard to pinpoint exactly what I'm looking for, because it constantly changes. Sure, there might be an overall goal of eventually finding a relationship, but each person is different and what I might look for in one person isn't the same as what I'm looking for with somebody else. Sometimes meeting somebody in person makes me realize I want something completely different with her.
— Mark, 25
This guy feels like being on apps is just part of today's dating culture.
I'm currently not on any dating apps, because I'm in a period of moving and starting a new job, so I'm not looking for any kind of relationship. In the past, I've never used dating apps with the intention of finding something serious, but was always open to something serious happening or developing. Part of being on a dating app was curiosity, and then part of it was feeling like it was just part of being single and in college. It's just part of modern dating culture I suppose. I began to see someone with some seriousness that I had met through [an app], but it ended because it was just the wrong time for me to start a serious relationship — too busy, didn't think I was ready to put in the work a serious relationship would require at that time. I had one long-term, casual relationship through an app that we both agreed wouldn't become serious. It ended when we both graduated from college and went our separate ways. Besides that, a handful of first dates that just didn't work, but some that led to second dates and then didn't work.
— Colin, 23
This guy is mostly looking for interesting conversation.
What am I looking for from dating apps? About 75 percent conversation, 20 percent hookup, and five percent a serious relationship. The conversation lets me know enough, or keeps me entertained. I'm not sure if it's the smartest strategy, but it's what I do. I start enough conversations that it sometimes gets overwhelming, but it's also clear when the interesting, fun people rise to the top.
— Brett*, 26
Before you make assumptions about what someone on a dating app is looking for, consider just asking them to tell you. Share what you're honestly interested in finding as well. The foundation of every good relationship is trust, so why not be truthful from the beginning?
*Name has been changed.
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