There's a difference between having a chemistry and having an actual bond, and you should have both. It took going through my only two serious relationships as an adult to figure out what I believe the keys to a healthy relationship are.
It may or may not seem like common sense to some of you, but this my story. This is how I found the key, as DJ Khaled would so proudly put it.
I met a woman in college. She was cool. I liked her, and she liked me. Simple enough, right?
We were from two completely different worlds, but we managed to find common ground in a few things, albeit mostly the wrong things. We were young and confused, and we didn't see eye to eye about much of anything.
One thing we did manage to find common ground on was the simple fact that we cared about each other tremendously. We both non-verbally agreed to show up every day and give it our all.
We fought, and we fought hard pretty much every day. That was, until we couldn't anymore. But somewhere along the line, we established a bond. Though things didn't work out romantically, we maintain a great friendship six years later due in part to said bond.
A couple of years after the demise of my college relationship, I met another young lady with whom I hit it off immediately. It was almost like something out of a movie. We got each other's jokes, had the same taste in music and movies and even shared the some of the same vices and tastes in after-hours spots.
We even finished each other's sentences. OK, I'm lying; we didn't finish each other's sentences. That doesn't happen, and if it does happen, you are extremely corny.
Oh, and did I mention the sex? The sex was absolutely crazy.
We had great chemistry, to say the least. However, when things went south between us, they went all the way, Key West south.
We would fight and then go for days without speaking to each other. Days would eventually turn into weeks, weeks turned into months and so forth. It was a complete disaster.
We were two very scorned and prideful individuals who liked each other, but didn't quite care enough to put our hearts all the way on the line. Painful experiences and mistrust kept kept both of us from doing so and creating the bond that would have made our illustrious relationship survive the test of time.
While I ended up being able to establish meaningful friendships with both of these beautiful young ladies, I believe the reason that both romantic relationships ultimately failed is because chemistry means nothing without a bond present, and vice versa.
Chemistry is simply defined as the interaction of one personality with another. A bond, on the other hand, is defined as something that binds, fastens or holds together.
It's the actual connection that brings the two chemically compatible elements together. It's the passion and the acknowledgement, the fact that you're there for each other through thick and thin. You don't necessarily need to exchange vows and commit at the altar, but a lot of work is necessary in order to establish a bond.
Hydrogen and oxygen combine to form one of the most abundant and important substances known to man. However, putting the two elements next to each other won't make water. It takes some kind of actual chemical reaction in order for the desired molecule to form. This is called a bond.
Mind you, I was a liberal arts major, so take my science with a grain of sodium chloride. The proper bonding action needed in relationships are communication and commitment on behalf of both parties to at least work hard to try and make things work.
It is also imperative that it can work. If the two parties are completely apples and oranges, you can probably forget about it. All the bonding power in the world won't keep you together. (Sorry, I didn't invent physics.)
The thing is, these two concepts cannot exist exclusively in a successful relationship. As I learned, you can't have chemistry without a bond (or vice versa) and expect things to last. It just does not work like that.
I do, however, believe that in some cases, if you have only one (or none) of these two bare necessities, that the missing aspect can be developed with a lot of work.
If you lack chemistry, figure out some of the things the two of you have in common. Or better yet, build on those things. Try new things together, go to new places together and listen to some new music that neither of you two have listened to.
Just find ways to grow closer. Dig deep down into yourselves to try to find as much common ground as possible. You may even learn new things about yourself that you did not know prior to meeting this person.
If there is no bond present, you must communicate and establish trust. Be as open as possible with one another.
Always be sure that the two of you are on the same page as far your intentions for the relationship goes. Make a vow to give it your all if nothing else. Make it your business to ensure sure that 100 percent is given by both parties, so that even if things don't work out, you won't end up hating the other person in the long run.
If the both of you put in an honest effort to establish these two facets and things still don't work out, then at least you both can say you gave it your all. The likelihood of regret is greatly reduced when you put your best foot forward, even in the face of total failure. From my experience, this also makes a healthy friendship a lot more likely after time has passed.
Having great chemistry and a deep bond are the most important #RelationshipGoals to have. Once you have established both of these concepts, the rest of the relationship should be able to grow just fine.
