Personally, when someone tells me they're still friendly with their ex, I can't help but be a little skeptical. I know not all breakups are dramatic, Bachelor-worthy blowups complete with screaming and crying, but they still signify the endof a relationship and it's difficult for me to understand how anyone can be just friends with someone that they were once romantically involved with. So, if your partner still talks to their ex, I totally get why you might not be 100% on board with it. Seriously, anytime I hear someone say, “My boyfriend still talks to his ex,” my immediate thought is, WTF? While this might be my reaction, experts say it’s not always a red flag.
"It's normal for some people to still be friends with an ex," Bethany Ricciardi, a sex educator and relationship expert with Too Timid, explained to Bustle. Even if the romantic feelings have faded, it’s likely that they shared a real connection (otherwise why would they have dated in the first place?), and it can be hard to give up someone you feel close to — ex or not. It’s very possible that your SO doesn't have any ulterior motives when talking to their ex. Perhaps they're just genuinely interested in maintaining a friendship with a person that was once very important to them.
As normal as it may be for exes to stay friends, it’s just as normal for that friendship to bother their new SOs. So if your boyfriend still talks to his ex or your girlfriend is still on her ex’s Snapchat Best Friends list, feeling a little wary about that bond is pretty standard. But if you’re seriously hung up on the fact that your partner is communicating with their ex, it’s a good idea to check in with yourself and ask why it bothers you so much. Are you feeling run-of-the-mill jealousy or are you experiencing deeper insecurities? If you catch yourself getting nervous every time your partner’s phone vibrates, consider asking yourself the following questions. Once you know where you stand, you can better assess how to deal with the situation.
Bethany Ricciardi, a sex educator and relationship expert with Too Timid